'a thousand lies'.

i'm tired. i am so tired. i want to raise my arms into the air and scream to the heavens that i've had had enough. i want to drop to the ground and give everything all up... can i afford to go on? i know i need to. i know i don't want to too...

i didn't do the art assignment. i don't have the time. and i don't have the mindset to sit down and throw all my emotions into a piece of work that isn't even my style. i don't believe in doing art without emotions either... that's why the only thing i have now is a blank, white, rough, plain canvas. scratch.

everytime i have tuition, i leave my phone aside. everytime i end, i run to check it. everytime i do, it has no messages no calls. everytime i walk away, it rings. and everytime it has to be someone i want to hear from, someone who'd make me smile. well almost everytime, it's Joshua. didn't always used to be though... but things change. every second. sometimes even too fast for me...

i don't believe the heavens looks down upon all of us every moment. it's only my belief though. no really, if they did, why don't they hear our pain, our screams, our agony? are they as great as told to be? do they share the same feeling of sympathy a human can? if they did watch upon us, why do i still walk this earth?

my reason for living is the very same reason i don't want to be.

Someday We'll Know by Mandy Moore feat. Jonathan Foreman:

[Mandy Moore]
Ninety miles outside Chicago,
Can't stop driving, I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind

[Jonathan Foreman]
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
[Both] Did the captain of the titanic cry?

[Chorus]
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Mandy] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Both] Why I wasn't meant for you

[Mandy] Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
[Jonathan] Or what the wind says when she cries?
[Mandy] I'm speeding by the place that I met you
[Both] For the ninety-seventh time tonight

[Chorus]
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Mandy] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Both] Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Both] Someday we'll know
[Jonathan] Why Samson loved Delilah
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you'll know
[Both] That I was the one for you

[Mandy] I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
[Jonathan] Watch the stars crash in the sea
[Mandy] If I could ask God just one question
[Both] Why aren't you here with me tonight?

[Chorus]
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Jonathan] If love can move a mountain
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Mandy] Why the sky is blue
[Both] Someday we'll know
[Both] Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Both]Someday we'll know
[Jonathan] Why Samson loved Delilah
[Both] One day I'll go
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon
[Both] Someday you'll know
[Both] That I was the one for you

perfect lyrics, i feel. will that someday come though? will we really know? when is that someday going to come? a hundred years from now? i can't wait that long... i don't know if i want to.

so many questions, i need an answer.

yes, i do. why won't you start with telling me the reason for each one of the thousand lies?