'today's the 28th'.

resting my hand on the mouse, gently adjusting my palm so that it fit to the contures of it. i slowly nudged it to the right, watching as the little white arrow, oulined in black, slowly moved towards the right bottom corner of the screen. over the numbers '12.28 am', i stopped the mouse. a bedge box popped up, the words 'Wednesday, February 28, 2007' written in it.

it probably doesn't seem a deal to many. at least, well, those who understand the significance of this day to me. yes, it probably seems a little silly for me to be in the least excited about this day. but really, i almost feel like i've accomplished something huge. something really great, something i thought i wouldn't have ever acheived, something i thought i couldn't never have done: i lived to this date.

i survived. yes, i did. and i'm proud of myself for it. not only have i survived, i'm living. i'm not crumbling with ever breath i take. i'm surviving, living and building myself up again. i'm doing what i thought i couldn't do... i love it.

i failed four tests so far - science, chinese, history and math. okay, so i didn't study or pay attention. i know i know. but really as i think back, i can't remember why or what i did in these two months. i can remember what i've been doing at all. other than the usual - cca, debate, tuition tuition tuition, art classes. i can't recall anymore. why hadn't i planned my time right? sheesh. i better do something like soon. like now.

suddenly everything seems to have been shaken into place. everything is surprisingly almost near right. and i know very well i should actually be happy about how things are going but i'm scared... i'm really scared. everytime something gets right, it only lasts so short a time and before i know it, my whole world comes crumbling down on me all over again. it has happened over and over again. so as i have taught myself to not be happy for things that seem perfect, afterall they don't last. why lie to myself?

i realised i adapt too fast to things i shouldn't be adapting to. i get used to it too fast that well, i don't really take things well after changes happen. and somehow, though i want to know everything's going to be better soon and that everything's going to be all good again, i know that i can't deny that i miss how things used to be. i miss the important things or the people i've lost. i know i want them back but well, i figured there's almost nothing i can do already... but accept.


i've started on the painting. all over again. i think the other one was plain ugly and zero effort. i have to deliver it to Mrs Kamal by thursday evening if she's at home... i hope it'll be done. oh yes, the painting is in the color scheme of green. well, i am afterall a very jealous person, always have been... haha. so yup. i hope it turns out okay. but from the look of it, despite a lot of helpless tries of technique and despite all effort put into it, i still think it looks crappy...


is it a crime to miss something that i threw out the window?

when somebody loved me
everything was beautiful
every hour spent together
lives within my heart

take it take it take it all away....