'too much to appreciated'.

yeah. sick huh?

'i wish i had the guts to hate you'.

i wanna stab you and tell you how horrid you are. i wanna rip your skin of you and tell you how disgustingly rude you are. i wanna rip your hair off your scalp and tell you how hurting your insensitive words are. i wanna cut your tongue lose and tell you how self-centre you've been.

there's so much i want to do, or so much a small part of my wants to do. but i don't have the guts to, and i won't. because the other whole, more stable, part of me wants to care and wants to wipe your tears from your eyes. and i guess, because the other more caring part of me takes up a larger percentage of my emotional capacity, it's harder for me to think evil thoughts about you.

ahh... screw you. you, gay lil' insensitive thing.

'oh no, please'.

something's not done. and i can't tell what it is. but i'll figure out tomorrow, somehow.


you broke your promise, no doubt,
you told a thousand lies.
you killed me when you told me
that everything was alright.
it felt like my world was falling
when you pretended i wasn't there.
i felt like i was falling
when you really didn't care.
and yes, i put my trust in you.
would you ever know,
how it feels to love so much for someone who can't care so.

'i shouldn't'.

Harry Potter Order Of The Phoenix movie was quite a bore, and a horrid disappointment. something about a lot of things in that show was not right, somewhere, somehow. i wouldn't die watching it again but i wouldn't die to either. it just isn't as great as i had expected.

sorry, yan (:


you're as great a disappoint as the movie was. and, oh well, i guess i don't need to be there no more.

'i could get used to this'.

i'm doing all i can, but it apparently isn't working. it puzzles me, greatly. what is it that lacks in the things i do, the things i say? sincerity? well, i don't think so. perhaps, it's just you. and it's just me being silly and hoping hopelessly for something that will remain impossible.

there's so much you do that brings a smile to my face. so much you do that i take to heart. so much you say that i love. almost everything about you, actually. but you'll never know and you'll never see will you? you'll just stay bloody oblivious and ignorant for as long as forever can possibly mean huh. oh well, lucky for me, i've braced myself.

'everything will be alright if you just stay the night'.

it's been a long time since i've been home so early.

something about rainy days is making me happy now. something that feel so right. i love the sound of the rain pattering on the windows and watching the droplets flow down them. something so therapeutic. and perhaps, a little nostalgic. oh well, it will pass.


yes, you did say the wrong thing. and apparently, i wasn't suppose to hear it. well, i did, and it wasn't pleasant. not at all actually. i didn't know you were capable of being such an arse, and yeah, i was disappointed, if you ask me. let's just say- i had higher expectations of you.

and, you see, i don't choose who i care about. i don't select those who deserve to be important. and if i could, i really would. it'll make things a whole lot easier, you know that. but, well, as i've said, i don't choose. i love who i love and not who i choose to love. it's just the way it is, you know. it's not like i chose for you to mean so much, because, to my recollection, i couldn't really. so, i guess it all depends on luck from there.


he looked like you. the way he stood, the way he moved, the way he carried his books. perhaps it was you, i wouldn't know. and, well, he was absolutely beautiful. well, at least enough to leave me with a horrid smile- just the way you do too.

'a few little things that i love'.



i think this is so adorable! O is for Octopus.

and Love is for you!

'funny how things work huh?'

ms lee is wrong. karakiri is cute. it's really adorable. and it's really nice too. for one, it will never leave your side. two, it will hold you whereever and whenever you need it to. three, it doesn't cheat on you and it doesn't lie, it doesn't hurt your feeling because it can't. it isn't human, that's the beauty of it.


if i could make everything right, i would. but i'm only human, and there's only so much i can do. there are six people involved here, and i, as one person, cannot set everything right, no matter how i might want to. i can't and that's a definite. so if y'all think that i'm not doing my best and that i don't give a damn, well, too bad. try considering the fact that i'm not wonderwoman, first.


i told myself 25th december 2008. i don't keep promises very well, but i try really hard to, most of the time. and this time, well, i made a promise to myself, i'm gonna try to keep it. but it ain't gonna be easy. and i know it.

'hold you in my arms'.

i have no idea how to put my words nicely, so they won't hurt. i have no idea how to twist my disgusting feelings into words and pretend that everything is okay. i have no idea how to say that it's gonna be alright, when it's not. i have no idea how to smile and say that i love the world to the person i want most to murder.

so many words i just want to say. without lying of course.

but i do have three words i wanna say to you. and yes, that wouldn't need a hint of lying actually. it'll just come from the bottom of my heart.

'i should have seen all along'.

sji concert was great. it was superb and really heart-warming. but just a little bit too long for my short attention-span to hold out. nevertheless, a great experience.


turning around to look at everything that has happened, i'm beginning to see how horribly ignorant i've been. so many little bits that were there, screaming into my face, i could have noticed them all, but i swept them away. all the little words that were meant to hurt, i just pretended i never heard. all the actions that were meant to drive me miles away, i pretended i never felt them.

i was silly, but thinking of it, i might have never wanted to see them. not even now.

'tagboard's gone'.

something cropped up with the template, so when i had to redo it, i got rid of the tagboard too. i forgot my account name to my cbox so, practically, it's gone for good. ahaha.

i'm late for meeting at clementi. better get going now.

'the first cut is the deepest'.

racial harmony day. ha, it was fun! but really, really tiring. all the running and the carrying of this and that and the selling of this and that and the screaming about this and that. and the photos! of course, how'd i forget? aha. Miss Tey went around the canteen, cam-whoring with almost every 2/3ian that she could find. ahaha. gosh, she's one teacher i will miss when she's gone. lessons couldn't be more fun lah.

Nanyang Concert Band was great! i think they all played lovely, spectacular music and it was really interesting. ha. beautiful to hear and very worth the ten bucks. thanks for the invite, cheryl deary! congrats. you did well!


you're the one person who i thought would understand. i trusted you to, and although it didn't really seem to mean much to me then, but the more i think of it the more your words begin to hurt. very badly, actually. you don't know everything about me, yeah. so, maybe that'll be why you could bear to say something so hurting. or perhaps that why you shouldn't have.

i guess i over looked the part about you being a guy. the part where insensitivity makes the perfect explanation for everything.


The First Cut Is The Deepest by Sheryl Crow:

I would've given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein' lucky he's cursed
And when it comes to lovin me, he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
And I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cause if you want I'll try to love again

Baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest Baby I know
the first cut is the deepest
but when it comes to bein' lucky he's cursed
And when it comes to lovin' me, he's worst

I still want you by my side
Just to help me dry the tears that I've cried
But I'm sure gonna give you a try
Cause if you want I'll try to love again
Baby I'll try to love again but I know

The first cut is the deepest
Baby I know the first cut is the deepest
But when it comes to bein lucky he's cursed
And when it comes to lovin me he's worst
The first cut is the deepest baby I know
The first cut is the deepest
Try to love again


how can i forgive you, after all you put me through?


how can someone who makes you feel so complete make you feel so empty at the same time?

'snicker bar'.

i'm done writing the essay for Ms Jae. i think it's nice. i hope they like it. i hope she does. i hope you all do:


Snicker Bar

The table was sparkling, two cups of hot milk on its surface – Catherine’s and the smaller, narrower one for her daugher. Next to the two cups, was a plate of Peanut Butter sandwich and chocolate-coated bread.
The little girl was singing ‘Mary had a little lamb’ throwing her feet, together, heavily on each step that she took. She always failed to put only one foot on each step.
When she was done with the stairs, she dashed into the kitchen, shrieking, ‘the lamb was sure to go’ in the highest possible pitch she could produce, before throwing her arms around Catherine’s hips, screaming good morning. And as she did this, there was a sick annoyed air about Catherine, and the way she picked her daughter up and placed her on the kitchen stool. The forced smile on her face, the slight hunch of her back and the way she would loosen her arms that supported her little girl, way before the child could comfortably rest her petit frame on the small wooden stool.
“You haven’t much time, my dear. You took rather long to get dressed today,” there was a slight twitch above her left eye.
“I’m sorry, mummy. But I’ll hurry.”
“Alright, my dear,” she said, her eye still twitching.
She sat, watching her little girl take tiny hurried bites of her sandwiches, the way she could never eat without leaving scraps of food all over the sparkling table she had just polished. Catherine’s eye twitched again. For this, she slapped her forehead and hurriedly downed her glass of milk before lifting her little girl back onto the floor.
“You’ve got to go now,” she said. “The bus will be here any moment.” She slid a lunch box into the little girl’s arms. Inside the lunchbox, of course, was a scrumptious meal of lamb chop and rice, tediously prepared from the morning.
“Goodbye, mummy,” the usual shriek and a kiss on the cheek.
“Chrissie! Wait,” the twitch in her eye is gone. She turns and reaches out for an open packet of Snicker’s on the kitchen top. “Here, eat it now before it melts.”
“But, mummy, it’s not even lunch yet. You said that I shouldn’t eat any sweet…”
“Now, my darling, today’s special,” the annoyed air about Catherine is gone.
Watching her little girl close the door behind her and do a little skip as she does this, Catherine smiles to herself. It always amuses her to see a little bit of chocolate cheer a child up. This time now, though, Catherine smile begins to spread even wider. It’s even more amusing to think that little Chrissie’s day was made by a tool that she thought was the most simple work but most successful work a genius could ever come up with – a Snicker bar with a razor blade, tiny enough to be swallowed but yet sharp enough to slice, carefully pushed into the centre.
And as she thought about it, Catherine began to giggle. What a waste, she thought, Chrissie’s lamb chop would have to go to waste.


okay, now that that's done, i shall sleep. night.

'it isn't worth it, i know'.

band was really tiring and totally energy consuming. perhaps maybe very emotionally consuming too. i almost broke down at the fact that my playing was disgusting. i really must work on it, but i have been trying, but yet there doesn't seem much that i can do. which is upsetting. but i'm not givin' up. not yet. never.

i can't believe you could do something like that. i am disappointed but i'm yet to know the exact truth. but i'm really hoping i'd hear it from you. you've let me down enough, i don't want to be disappoint in you anymore. i'm gonna have to sacrifice a few things, hopefully, to teach you to be responsible. but if it hurts, i'm sorry. some lessons have to be learnt.


girl, i know you'll never read this, and even if you do, you'll never know it's to you. because, technically, i don't even know you personally. but anyhow, i want to tell you to be careful and watch your step. don't do anything foolish and becareful of how much of yourself you let go. don't turn around and regret how much you've given to someone who doesn't deserve it, please. he's dangerous, and i'm really hoping you'd turn away.

still, you wouldn't know this is for you, would you?


i want you to be my karakiri. i want you to be my one and only karakiri. and i would willingly be your's.

give me your hand.

'a sudden obsession perhaps'.

octopus are cute. they are horribly adorable and totally addictive to look at. check this out!



adorable aren't they? gosh, i want a karakiri and i want this beautiful things! i'll buy a thousand of them and pile them up all over my bed, next to my karakiri. now, that'll be a dream come true.

gosh, karakiri, i want you.

'you could cure me'.

my head feels like it's gonna roll off my neck, onto the floor. and my neck is threatening to throb itself alive. my muscle around my legs feel like they're gonna pop up from under my skin and my eyes feel like someone kicked them into their sockets a thousand times.

maybe that's why i didn't go to school.


if you were here beside me now, yes, i'd feel a hell lot better. at least i'd know that my heart's still beating and that i'm not as dead as i feel.

'whatever it is'.

you flick your wand and i'm smiling. you wiggle your finger and i'm laughing. you have an effect that is scary and it's freaky. it's magic that you do, i'm convince, i'm almost sure. and whatever the magic you do, although it seems to very-well work, it's beginning to scare the shit out of me.

i told you to stay away.

'one and a half more years. i can wait'.

2.4km run tomorrow, and i just realised. dang.

good luck, everyone!


karakiri, i want you.

'hold me please'.

Blood Diamond is a total waste of time. crap show with crappy fat people. Leonardo Dicarprio, for one, is old ugly fat and hairy. yuck. and the plot and all, well, it's fine. but it's too action packed and really silly, really dumb. a real waste of time. i honestly suggest you not to watch it at all.


if it's gonna be this way. i guess, for the first time in ever, my wishes are coming true. how bout that?

'the everything that i love'.

Botak Jones is wonderful! yummy food and awfully huge portions. you can eat till you drop, i swear. the portions are scary and really worth it. it's at ang mo kio ave5, block 608. really really great place. just the wait, it's as scary as the portions get.


i met you in my dreams. i wished it'd stayed that way. you looked so amazing standing there, with that melting smile on your face. so warm to hold in my arms, i wish you didn't faze. but a dream's always a dream, no matter how hard i pray.

'because you steal my breath away'.





i want a karakiri so bad. it looks so adorable and it's so so cute. the idea and every other aspect of it- something that holds you to sleep everyday, everynight. to lie in its arms to sleep, anytime. i think it's adorable. it comes in any color. beautiful ain't it?

here's a sight you would want to visit- http://www.karakiri.com/


don't come close. stop drawing me near. go away, far far away. save me, save yourself. i'm danger and i know you're capable of being just that too. i wanna walk away but i can't, i just can't turn my back on you. you're too addictive for me to do so. and i wish you would just push me away.

yes, just like what you're doing. just that.

'a part of me is just wishing'.

if there was a day that i were to say i've never been happier. today is it.

school wasn't all that great though. a change of seats, a few boring lessons. oh well, same old same old. a little annoyingly irritating ironically stupid incidents though. like how Mrs Dan tore up the work that she wanted me to complete by the end of the day during class interaction when we were doing a green club survery. funny part was that i completed the survey. she kinda expected me to stare blankly into the air and waste time away.

well, she got her wish though. that is when she tore up the paper.


i like things the way they are. they should stay this way forever. but heaven knows they won't. ahaha. redundant, yeah, i realised.


Mister Shrink! now, this will be the second post with a paragraph of words to you- dang. i was thinking about it just after you hung up. you really read minds don't you? (if you don't get it, check out yesterday's post). aha. you do it so freakishly sometimes that i'm getting worried. oh well, thanks anyway. made me feel happier than i already was and after realising that you had a hell lot more people you could call, well, honoured, yeah that was what i felt. thanks anyway (:

Best In Me by Blue:

From the moment I met you I just knew you'd be mine
You touched my hand and I knew that this was gonna be our time
I dont ever wanna lose this feeling,
I don't wanna spend a moment apart

'Cos you bring out the best in me,
like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side,
that's why I love you

Everyday that I'm here with you,
I know that it feels right,
and I've just had to be near you every day and every night,
And you know that we belong together
It just had to be you and me

'Cos you bring out the best in me,
like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side and
thats why I love you

And you know that we belong together
It just had to be you and me

'Cos you bring out the best in me,
like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side
'Cos you bring out the best in me,
like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side
That's why I love you
'Cos you bring out the best in me,
like no-one else can do
That's why I'm by your side
And that's why I love you


i love you three great people.

'just shut up'.

if you haven't an understanding for any word that comes spilling out of your filthy mouth, i suggest you shutting up. if you haven't any understanding how hurting the words that come out of that filthy mouth of your's are, just shut up. you all are disgusting and annoyingly insensitive.

if nothing good is going to come out of your mouths but filthy, disgusting, disrespectful remarks, i think you should just keep it shut. because all you say does hurt. especially all those that revolve around the people who mean to me.

insult me about myself in the face, anyday, anytime. but not my friends, never again. because that hurt a thousand more times than all the other filthy thing that came out of your sickening mouths.


it's sucking me dry of life, but i'm still around. and will be.


it's been almost exactly 6 months! yeah, it just crossed my mind but- Mister Shrink, gosh, do i miss you. aha. i miss being psycho analysed and missed being able to whine my guts out. i miss laughing till my cheeks hurt and i miss being annoyed till i could almost murder you. i miss calculating the rate of weight-gain if one were to eat at night, i miss the aching ear. i miss pleading for beer and i miss everything that you were- a great friend, and everything else.

ahh. Mister Shrink, dang, i miss you.

'if i could take you away'.

there's only one thing i'm looking forward to right now. and there's only one other thing that i'm really wishing for. and only one thing thats really making me smile.

it's different, i just feel it, and know it. every bit of this feeling is so new and so unfamiliar that it's pretty distressing at times but i can't help it, no matter how hard i try. and i guess i possibly do not want to get over it. because something about everything is so beautiful and so sickly sweet. i can't leave it behind, at least not now. not when it's the one thing that makes me smile, every single day.


if i could take you away
pretend i was queen
was would you say
would you think i'm unreal
because everybody's got the way i should feel

everybody's talking how i can't can't be your love
but i want want want to be your love
want to be your love
for real

everybody's talking how i can't can't be your love
but i want want want to be your love
want to be your love
for real

want to be your everything

'give me an alternative'.

things weren't meant to be this way, or that. at least, i wasn't prepared and i didn't plan for all that has happened or is currently taking place. had this not happened, it would have been something else, i know that, of course. something better perhaps? when would we ever know? how would be we ever? if we did find out, somehow, someday, will there be a way to change everything? perhaps, choose to other alternative. cause i'd love to do just that. anyday, anytime.

i'm tired of losing all the people i love. i'm tired of having to adjust to life without them, to know they'll never return. i'm tired of knowing it's all gonna be different and that i stand alone. i'm tired of everyone leaving and failing to care. i'm tired, and that's just that.


25th december 2008. now that'll be the day.


i shouldn't love you, but i want to.

'you're everything'.

Happy Birthday babe! (: thanks for being like one hell of a tolerant friend. and withstanding all the crap from me. love you for all of that, rae, my love! loads of love.


math, thats one thing which i'm gonna fail. well, who's gonna go out into the working world to mentally calculate algebra? it's rather lame don't you think? and very stressful actually. bloody hell, they should just scrape the whole idea.

debate. hm, well, as ms lee said- 'good to see minjun out of her first-speaker role'. yeah, tell me. it's stressful alright. now, in my mind, minyi has set high standards. a benchmark that i dont think i'll acheive. but i can always try, just the think i'll have to do.


your every breath tells me that magic is existent.

'how can i not love you?'

cranky moods are what i've been going through recently. i have no bloody idea why but i feel high one moment and then get horribly mood swing-y and grumpy the next. kinda disturbing but it makes me feel comforted to know that i'll always have wonderful friends by me to calm me down and tell me minjun, whining brings you nowhere. ahahaha. and i'm thankful (:


i love that smile, that horrid flash of teeth that seem almost contagious enough to make my stomach flip. that wonderful smile that makes my heart, always, skip a beat.

unbelievable, but so so true.


Hard To Love You by The Wreckers:

Why do they make it hard to love you
Why can't they even start to try
Cuz now I feel a bridge is burning, oh
And all the smoke is in my eyes

I realize I never let them know me
I always want to be right
Took a mistake to really show me, oh
Exactly what they were like

I've been wrong but I've been changing
I've been wonderin' what to do
Here I am alone and waiting
For you

Why do I try to make them happy
Why am I always playing nice
It isn't easy trying to tell you, oh
Exactly what is on my mind

I've been wrong but I've been changing
I've been wondering what to do
Here I am alone and waiting
For you

I've been wrong but I've been waiting
For youI've been wrong but I've been changing
I've been wonderin' what to do
Here I am alone and waiting
Waiting

For you

'did i say that?'

oh yes, did i say that i was confused? still? ohh yeah. because i am. i really really am, but even though i'm in such a agonising state, something about it feels so right and so real. like i was meant to be thinking and feeling this all along.

it's strange but it's real. whether i like it or not, which actually i do.


the moon seems brighter these few nights, just like the stars seem to be bigger in numbers too. the wind seems to blow so gently and the temperature seems just right. something about everything and anything just seems beautiful and so so right.

let it stay this way, and yes, perhaps it might be alright.

'blown away'.

yuhua was superb. nothing and no one can deny that because their music was just wonderful and horribly amazing. and one thing i love bout them is that you can see how much they enjoy performing and playing. it's like they don't care if you love them or hate them, they know that they're meant to perform and thus, they perform.

great band, great music.


how can i not smile with all these around?

'bloody damnit'.

minjun felt shagged. minjun was feeling stupid filing her math file. minjun wanted to close her eyes and drop dead asleep on the floor. minjun felt like she really really needed to sleep. minjun thought it wasn't a good idea so minjun decided to make coffee for herself.

minjun went into the kitchen and opened the cupboards finding for coffee powder. minjun found it and loaded it into the machine. minjun didn't know how much to put so she estimated the amount. minjun poured two cups of water into another compartment of the machine and turned on the switch. when minjun turned it on, the machine start making funny sounds and soon the coffee was done.

the sad part was that minjun realised that the coffee was so thin that it looked like tea and there was nothing minjun could do or dared to do. minjun is upset. minjun has to leave for victoria concert hall soon but minjun is still tired. minjun didn't manage to drink proper coffee in the end.



minjun is upset.

'still believing you'll walk through my door'.

i'm alone at home. but i have a hell lot of filing to do so i won't be here for long and i'll make it fast-

i stayed up until 3.20 last night. i was supposed to call a pillar-ish boy who played me out by not picking up my call. ha, so i slept at 3.30 or so. and i'm really stoned and shagged now. gotta go for yu hwa concert later too. which is kinda cool because i know they're gonna impress me to the extreme but i'm too gonna have to travel all the way.

oh well ):

the shagged me is gonna do my filing now. pillar boy, i blame you! (:

'if there was something to be happy about, this is it'.

lalala. i don't know how to put this down in words, or in any verbal forms even. but i am exhilirated and i know why but i don't know how to put it down.

okay, i'm relieved. very much.

'should have guess. my oh my, stupid me'.

is this day supposed to enjoyable? because the boredom is killing me. everything's so dead- the weather, the air, the television shows. everything. or perhaps it's just me huh?


of course, two best friends. i should have bloody remembered that! silly me. oh well, knew it would happen so it ain't much of a surprise right now.

'i really don't know'.

something is making me smile, and i think i know what it is:

oh yes, i just love band (:

'presents do melt away'.



yes, no doubt, they do.

recall christmas? ever felt the feel of something that you thought was meant for you, slip through your fingers? of losing a present, watching it melt away, leaving nothing left of it.

remember receiving presents out of the blue? like a gift in times of hell. like an angel saving your hand just before you fall to your death. and then, of course, the same sick feeling of letting it slip away, again. all over again, in fact. just a little more painful then before, for this time, you'd think and hope so hard that the angels would care to let you keep the present, unlike santa.

wish again.


picture by chema madoz. cool photographer. perhaps, a link or two:
http://www.notcot.org/
http://www.roadsidescholar.com/2007/07/02/new-photography-by-chema-madoz/

'you would very well know'.

i think the language of chinese is really weird. with all the strange expressions and the weird discribtions. even the plots are strange, but interesting, all the same. yes, i know it's my mother tongue and i should be proud of it. but really, i can't help but despise the strangeness in the language.


just as Carmina describes Simon's smile. your's is no less. if not, even more warming than anyone else's that i can ever imagine.

something about you makes my face light up all the time, and i know it, even though i can't see myself smiling ridiculously, but i know i do. at times that i don't show it, well, i still am really smiling. i guess you just don't see. and i wonder if you know how much you cheer me up with your presence sometimes. it's strange, the effect you have on me, but amazing and so so wonderful.

i don't know why, maybe you can blame the weird personality, but i was thinking and i decided that maybe, just maybe, it'll be better if i kept a distance and i made myself stay away. if i stopped talking to you, and cared a little bit less, would it be better?

well, yes, i thought so too.

'i don't wanna pretend no more'.

do i have to pretend your words don't mean anything? do i have to keep pretending that i'm not hurt by all the tiny little things that you do? do i have to keep pretending like nothing matters? do i have to smile at everything you do and pretend it's all fine, that i don't care how much it really hurts? do i have to keep pretending that i don't feel the way i do? do i have to keep pretending that i'm the happiest person about everything?

because i don't want to pretend anymore. i'm really tired of doing so. i'm tired of pretending that your words or your actions don't hurt, because they do. they really really do... so much that i don't know what to do.

why won't you just tell me to go away, in the face? maybe that way, i'll get over it, faster and easier. i won't have to keep guessing and keep pretending that i don't know how annoying you find me. i won't have to pretend that i don't notice the meanings behind your words.

maybe i'm just overreacting, maybe i really am. or maybe not.


Hanging on your every word,
There's so much that you don't know.
Sometimes you're just so absurd,
But I vow I'll forgive you so.

Everytime you pass me
You steal my breath away.
And I pray that we never meet
So my heart would finally rest.

You mean so much to me,
But I bet you'll never know,
And you'll never see
just how much I love you so.'

Hanging on your ever word,
There's so much that you don't know.
And now you're so absurd,
But I forgive you so.


spare me from all of this. please.

boy, i think that i'm in love with you.

I Think I'm In Love With You by Jessica Simpson:

Everytime you're near baby
I get kinda crazy in my head for you
I don't know what to do
And baby
I get kinda shaky when they mention you
I just lose my cool

My friends tell me
Something has come over me
And I think I know what it is

I think I'm in love

Boy I think that I'm in love with you
Got me doing silly things when it comes to you
In love, boy I think that I'm in love with you
Got me telling all my friends what I feel for you

Just the other night baby, I saw you hangin
You were with your crew
I was with mine too
You took me by surprise
When you turned and looked me in the eyes
Oh, you really blew my mind

I don't know what's gotten into me
But, I kinda think I know what it is
I think I'm in love

Boy I think that I'm in love with you
Got me doing silly things when it comes to you

I'm in love, boy I think that I'm in love with you
Got me telling all my friends what I feel for you
Boy I think that I'm in love with you
Got me been telling all my friends what I feel for you

Something strange has come over me
Got me going out of my mind
Never met a guy like you before
You make me feel special inside
I think I'm in love

Boy I think that I'm in love with you
Got me doing silly things when it comes to you
Boy I think that I'm in love with you
Got me telling all my friends what I feel for

'beyond words'.

i've never been through such a horrid day in a very long while. possibly in forever.


two down, third one to go.

so much for all the 'i am here's. now i see how reliable all the words of you guys were. apparently, i put my faith in the wrong people.

especially, you, i thought you'd understand.

'it's kinda early'.

pretty cool using the computer at this time. kind of like a first.

now that srp is loaded, it's time to bathe and after that, drag my fat arse to school. which is something i really don't wanna do. aha. it's gonna be a really tiring day.


i can't remember what it was about, and thank god. but it doesn't matter with the confusion that increases with every day that passes. oh gosh, this is almost unbelievably magical.

'this is impossible. not now, please'.

what is this supposed to mean? i could almost die from trying to solve this. or trying to avoid the confusion. it kills.

'don't break the promise'.

i get to leave class early again tomorrow, which is really cool.

work work work. what is there to do? argh, i really have no idea at all. at this isn't exactly the best thing right now. i shall hunt my babes down later.


Because I know you're too good to be true I must have done something good to meet you.


aha. retainer boy! i recalled something. you said you might, perhaps, agree to this little promise that i asked of you. i hope you will now. because now that i'm over for good, i hope you'll make me the lil' promise yeah? (:

'not the way you put it'.

i'm not that easy to get. at least not as easy as you, you all, put it really. and i don't really think i'm that naive. i'm not that much of a kid, please. but i sure do vow that i wouldn't be taken advantage of again and i vow to choose the right people to love, and not waste my time away.

i'm not that young and i'm not that blind. so spare my pride a little bit. i may have made mistakes, in the past, but they were made for reasons and those of which i considered really carefully. i'm not that silly, so don't underestimate me, please. i'm not a kid. and i won't be a kid, at east no where near to the extend you potray me. no where near. not ever, not in a thousand years. i hope.

Ultimate by Lindsay Lohan:

You're the kind of friend who always bends when I'm broken
Like remember when
You took my heart, and put it back together again
I've been wasting time with clueless guys, but now it's over
Let me tell you why I'm through
I've met someone new who's just like you

[chorus]
You're it, you're the ultimate
It's automatic, I'm sure of it
No lie, so don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
'Cause I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it, you're the ultimate, you

You're the kind of guy, whose hand in mine
Sends shivers up and down my spine
You took my heart, and put it back together again
You're the kind of guy that blows my mind
But now it's my turn
It's been right in front of me
Everything I need
Why didn't I see

[chorus]
You're it, you're the ultimate
It's automatic, I'm sure of it
No lie, so don't even try
To tell me that you're not the guy
'Cause I've been waiting all my life
For someone just like you
But you're it, you're the ultimate, you

what they say won't matter. because the inaccuracy of their speech, is absurb, with no doubt. and it won't change my impression of you, never. ever.

just trust me.

'don't let go'.

school starts again tomorrow. which is kind of a mood-spoiler. and something i'm absolutely not looking forward to. but i'm sure none of us have a choice, unless i fall really ill which is likely, judging from how heavy my head feels. oh well. we'll just have to see.


it's been just so little time that has past, but it feels like forever.

don't go.

'too lost in you'.

Love Actually is repeating in my head. every scene, every song. it's addictive, it's sweetly addictive in fact. and if there was one thing to repeat, this would be it. definitely.

Too Lost In You by Sugababes:

You look into my eyes
I go out of my mind
I can't see anything
Cos this love's got me blind
I can't help myself
I can't break the spell
I can't even try

I'm in over my head
You got under my skin
I got no strength at all
In the state that I'm in

And my knees are weak
And my mouth can't speak
Fell too far this time

[chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (You do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

Ooh...
Well you whispered to me
And I shiver inside
You undo me and move me
In ways undefined
And you're all I see
And you're all I need
Help me baby (Help me baby)
Help me baby (Help me now)

'Cause I'm slipping away
Like the sand to the tide
Falling into your arms
Falling into your eyes
If you get too near
I might disappear
I might lose my mind

[chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you
(Too lost in you)

I'm going in crazy in love for you baby
(I can't eat and I can't sleep)
I'm going down like a stone in the sea
Yeah, no one can rescue me
(No one can rescue me)


[Chorus:]
Baby, I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)

I'm too lost in you
I'm lost in you
I'm lost in you
I'm lost in everything about you
So deep (so deep), I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do (you do)
I'm too lost in you (Too lost in you)

'all i want for christmas is you'.

euphone babes outing was fun! i love you babes, so so much! (: you guys totally made my day and i hope y'all enjoyed the dinner!

All I Want For Christmas Is You by Olivia Olson:

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas Is you...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me

I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is You
and you and you and you and you
All I want for Christmas


i don't trust my guts right now. but i hope in time i will. because i like this, and it feel so real.