'no bloody idea, have you?'
i've got enough of this. a thousand times, i've been let down.
i can't believe it. why don't you just see?
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
'what did i do wrong?'
well done, everyone, for speechday.
i'm pale and yellow, it's really disgusting. my stomach's churning non-stop. if ever both bathrooms are occupied, like now, i get all anxious. diarrhoea isn't fun, in fact, it kinda sucks. and my stomach hurts, real bad.
sat on the same bench in the same whether, in the same clothes. of course, though, this time, i was alone and i didn't have company. i didn't have a shoulder to lean on and i didn't have someone to put a smile on my face. i can't deny that i miss it. but it ain't all that bad... really.
how long have i to wait?
well done, everyone, for speechday.
i'm pale and yellow, it's really disgusting. my stomach's churning non-stop. if ever both bathrooms are occupied, like now, i get all anxious. diarrhoea isn't fun, in fact, it kinda sucks. and my stomach hurts, real bad.
sat on the same bench in the same whether, in the same clothes. of course, though, this time, i was alone and i didn't have company. i didn't have a shoulder to lean on and i didn't have someone to put a smile on my face. i can't deny that i miss it. but it ain't all that bad... really.
how long have i to wait?
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
'let me hear it ring. let me hear the words i wanna hear'.
ha. i guarded my phone like a freak today, to realise that results were to be released by friday. though i doubt i'd receive anything but the hoping is inevitable. every ring, or every message that came in made my heart skip a beat. i jumped out of my chair a thousand times. ahaha.
i don't know why, and i still can't find a reason no matter how deep i search. i don't know why it means so much to me. i really don't. and i don't want it to, but i can't help it. it's something i'm really hoping for. no matter how i try to stop thinking about it, it's etched there, somewhere. and i know it.
ha. i guarded my phone like a freak today, to realise that results were to be released by friday. though i doubt i'd receive anything but the hoping is inevitable. every ring, or every message that came in made my heart skip a beat. i jumped out of my chair a thousand times. ahaha.
i don't know why, and i still can't find a reason no matter how deep i search. i don't know why it means so much to me. i really don't. and i don't want it to, but i can't help it. it's something i'm really hoping for. no matter how i try to stop thinking about it, it's etched there, somewhere. and i know it.
Monday, June 25, 2007
'newer'.
today is such a tiring day in school. so energy consuming. with all the speech day rehearsals and all the running around, all the waiting. oh well, was kind of fun at times. like during those times that we euphone babes sat down to talk while waiting in the hall- hilarious (: i just love those babes! they make living worth it, i swear.
i made it to school at 0640 hrs. and i'm proud of myself for that. ahaha. for once, i'm not late for flagraising. and for once, i'm actually waiting for the bandroom to open. ha.
i hope it's better. anyway, i'm sure it can't be that bad. maybe just different, newer. but not bad, i'm sure.
it was fun knowing you.
today is such a tiring day in school. so energy consuming. with all the speech day rehearsals and all the running around, all the waiting. oh well, was kind of fun at times. like during those times that we euphone babes sat down to talk while waiting in the hall- hilarious (: i just love those babes! they make living worth it, i swear.
i made it to school at 0640 hrs. and i'm proud of myself for that. ahaha. for once, i'm not late for flagraising. and for once, i'm actually waiting for the bandroom to open. ha.
i hope it's better. anyway, i'm sure it can't be that bad. maybe just different, newer. but not bad, i'm sure.
it was fun knowing you.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
'always have been'.
i'm finally done with my painting and my write-up. and only now do i realise what i really painted it for, what exactly went through my mind. the Agony of Loss, it's called. and yes, i was still coping with loss as i pasted paint onto the canvas. the loss of important people, who meant a lot to me and had been gone for long.
i painted when in a state of missing and worry, in the state of hoping and denial. that was all it was about. all it's been about- losing many people of importance to me, but mainly, one person in mind. and yes, i feel like i've relieved myself from a burden, and put everything behind me, now that i'm done with the painting.
and you, yes you, i'm thankful for all you've done for me, and to me. you've beem my inspiration, and it seems like you still are. but i am moving on and i will find yet other things in life to look to for inspiration. but i won't forget all that i've learnt from you or how much you've taught me, for one- how salt can be drank with coke perhaps. ahaha. and of course, how much stronger you've made me, with all that you've put through. and for that, i sincerely thank you.
together with everybody who has stood by my side- i really really really thank you too.
now, it's time to finish up my school homework.
i'm finally done with my painting and my write-up. and only now do i realise what i really painted it for, what exactly went through my mind. the Agony of Loss, it's called. and yes, i was still coping with loss as i pasted paint onto the canvas. the loss of important people, who meant a lot to me and had been gone for long.
i painted when in a state of missing and worry, in the state of hoping and denial. that was all it was about. all it's been about- losing many people of importance to me, but mainly, one person in mind. and yes, i feel like i've relieved myself from a burden, and put everything behind me, now that i'm done with the painting.
and you, yes you, i'm thankful for all you've done for me, and to me. you've beem my inspiration, and it seems like you still are. but i am moving on and i will find yet other things in life to look to for inspiration. but i won't forget all that i've learnt from you or how much you've taught me, for one- how salt can be drank with coke perhaps. ahaha. and of course, how much stronger you've made me, with all that you've put through. and for that, i sincerely thank you.
together with everybody who has stood by my side- i really really really thank you too.
now, it's time to finish up my school homework.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
'one more day'.
it sits in the living room looking right back at me. it cries to be completed, but i ain't really keen. i'll do it one day, oh, soon it'll be done. but i haven't much time, if not tomorrow, i'm totally done.
competition's tomorrow. i have to submit my work. i'm not done with the painting, or neither the write-up. i think i better do it soon. and my soon, better be now.
I Can Dream by Annabelle Aeng:
there's no fairy godmother
to make my wish come true.
no genie in a bottle to bring me to you.
no prayer on a fallen star
no magic potion in a jar.
but i can dream and when i do.
i dream that i'm there with you
cute poem.
it sits in the living room looking right back at me. it cries to be completed, but i ain't really keen. i'll do it one day, oh, soon it'll be done. but i haven't much time, if not tomorrow, i'm totally done.
competition's tomorrow. i have to submit my work. i'm not done with the painting, or neither the write-up. i think i better do it soon. and my soon, better be now.
I Can Dream by Annabelle Aeng:
there's no fairy godmother
to make my wish come true.
no genie in a bottle to bring me to you.
no prayer on a fallen star
no magic potion in a jar.
but i can dream and when i do.
i dream that i'm there with you
cute poem.
Friday, June 22, 2007
'i was waiting for the impossible'.
it was only then, just then, when i finally realised what i had been waiting for all this time- a simple apology. something i never ever received. something so simple and easy, and something that should be said sincerely from the bottom of one's heart.
well, despite it being as simple as it is, i never received it. i never received that one word of apology. five letters. that's all i have really been waiting for. and i decided that, well, i never would receive it and i don't really need it to walk away. i don't need five letters to keep me going. i can survive, and i will.
i wouldn't wait for you to ever apologise. because you won't, i know it, without a doubt. you never do, actually. it's just you. and, knowing that, or hoping that's true, i know that it doesn't matter anymore. because what's done is over and gone.
i was young and i was stupid and i was silly. that, i'm sure of. as for you, i hope it was that way and no other.
now you know.
it was only then, just then, when i finally realised what i had been waiting for all this time- a simple apology. something i never ever received. something so simple and easy, and something that should be said sincerely from the bottom of one's heart.
well, despite it being as simple as it is, i never received it. i never received that one word of apology. five letters. that's all i have really been waiting for. and i decided that, well, i never would receive it and i don't really need it to walk away. i don't need five letters to keep me going. i can survive, and i will.
i wouldn't wait for you to ever apologise. because you won't, i know it, without a doubt. you never do, actually. it's just you. and, knowing that, or hoping that's true, i know that it doesn't matter anymore. because what's done is over and gone.
i was young and i was stupid and i was silly. that, i'm sure of. as for you, i hope it was that way and no other.
now you know.
'not anymore'.
i'm sorry i left you. even if it were that short period of time. i'm really sorry. if i had a chance to choose, i don't think i ever would have. never would, in fact. it wasn't a easy decision, it wasn't something i wanted to do. that, i will swear over- i never wanted to leave you. i would stay by your side and wrap my arms tightly around you, everyday, if i could. the love i feel for you, please, my dear, do not doubt.
i'm happy to feel you in my arms once again. i've missed you and feeling your presence gives me the ability to breathe all over again. gives me the ability to smile and realise how beautiful living can be. i can't imagine if you and i would have to leave each other's side. it wouldn't be easy. actually, i think i'd die. i'd cry my eyes out, because i can't even stand the thought of it happening, again. so, my love, don't go. give me your word and i'll give you my heart.
i love you.
my darling 98-eupho.
i'm sorry i left you. even if it were that short period of time. i'm really sorry. if i had a chance to choose, i don't think i ever would have. never would, in fact. it wasn't a easy decision, it wasn't something i wanted to do. that, i will swear over- i never wanted to leave you. i would stay by your side and wrap my arms tightly around you, everyday, if i could. the love i feel for you, please, my dear, do not doubt.
i'm happy to feel you in my arms once again. i've missed you and feeling your presence gives me the ability to breathe all over again. gives me the ability to smile and realise how beautiful living can be. i can't imagine if you and i would have to leave each other's side. it wouldn't be easy. actually, i think i'd die. i'd cry my eyes out, because i can't even stand the thought of it happening, again. so, my love, don't go. give me your word and i'll give you my heart.
i love you.
my darling 98-eupho.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
'these twist and turns of fate'.
Little Wonders by Rob Thomas:
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours,
still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
those little wonders still remain. but i'll let go.
Little Wonders by Rob Thomas:
let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end we will only just remember how it feels
our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end
our lives are made
in these small hours these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours still remain
all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now
in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours,
still remain,
still remain
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain
those little wonders still remain. but i'll let go.
'is this how it feels?'
ahh. i have to wake up early tomorrow. and i better because i gotta get to school on time at 7 or my dear senior will murder me and skin me alive. am i not right, mister? ahahahaha.
wasn't what i thought it to be but it's not mattering that much. not anymore. and i feel alot better. and i really hope that it actually lasts, this time. oh gosh, please, let it last.
ahh. i have to wake up early tomorrow. and i better because i gotta get to school on time at 7 or my dear senior will murder me and skin me alive. am i not right, mister? ahahahaha.
wasn't what i thought it to be but it's not mattering that much. not anymore. and i feel alot better. and i really hope that it actually lasts, this time. oh gosh, please, let it last.
'almost done'.
i'm this close to completing my painting. the touching-up is the last thing i have left. and after that's done, my school homework is something i have to quickly finish up before monday.
theodore, you horrid f-l-i-r-t.
i'll be waiting to see how it all ends. or how it might be. i want to see it soon though. i'm getting impatient, and i can't help it. it's been too long a wait. aha. far too long for my liking actually.
a few more hours to practice. wish me luck.
i'm this close to completing my painting. the touching-up is the last thing i have left. and after that's done, my school homework is something i have to quickly finish up before monday.
theodore, you horrid f-l-i-r-t.
i'll be waiting to see how it all ends. or how it might be. i want to see it soon though. i'm getting impatient, and i can't help it. it's been too long a wait. aha. far too long for my liking actually.
a few more hours to practice. wish me luck.
'yes, i want that'.
it's about time. they've been saying that since forever. and i know it's true, i really do. but i guess they've finally sent the right guy, the right person, to knock a little sense into me. i'm thankful for that. and yes, it won't be easy. at least not now, or ever. but i'll make it. i'll get through it. and i'll do something i've never been good with, finally- i'm going to let go.
i want it that way, yes.
see ya.
it's about time. they've been saying that since forever. and i know it's true, i really do. but i guess they've finally sent the right guy, the right person, to knock a little sense into me. i'm thankful for that. and yes, it won't be easy. at least not now, or ever. but i'll make it. i'll get through it. and i'll do something i've never been good with, finally- i'm going to let go.
i want it that way, yes.
see ya.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
'i wish i could. but not right now though'.
i have to work on my playing. a lot. the weight's killing my arms. ahaha. but i'll survive, i have to anyway. i'm gonna kill myelf practicing. lada lada.
i wish i could, sikai. i really do. but for three years, it hasn't been right. and i hope will be one day. they say time heals all wounds huh? i can't say i don't trust them. but time is rather vague. i don't wanna wait that long. after everything, after all these time. no, not anymore. i don't wanna wait.
i have to work on my playing. a lot. the weight's killing my arms. ahaha. but i'll survive, i have to anyway. i'm gonna kill myelf practicing. lada lada.
i wish i could, sikai. i really do. but for three years, it hasn't been right. and i hope will be one day. they say time heals all wounds huh? i can't say i don't trust them. but time is rather vague. i don't wanna wait that long. after everything, after all these time. no, not anymore. i don't wanna wait.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
'i'll let her speak now'.
it's sad. how everything has come done to this- awkward glances, strange looks, small talks, senseless boring conversations. it's sad, really, just looking back at all the fun it used to be. being able to pour my heart out, laughing like a fool, laughing at myself, simply, just being myself and being comfortable with everything i do and say.
it ain't the same anymore. and god, i'm praying it will be, one day. i'm hoping.
what was she supposed to say? you?
it's sad. how everything has come done to this- awkward glances, strange looks, small talks, senseless boring conversations. it's sad, really, just looking back at all the fun it used to be. being able to pour my heart out, laughing like a fool, laughing at myself, simply, just being myself and being comfortable with everything i do and say.
it ain't the same anymore. and god, i'm praying it will be, one day. i'm hoping.
what was she supposed to say? you?
'if i just could'.
the story doesn't end just there.
a sudden switch of instrument. this is almost unbelievable. but i'm gonna go it. i'm gonna be able to play like any other trombonist by wednesday. i'm gonna kill myself practicing. but that way, i know i'll make it.
gosh, 98, i'm missing you.
you know it. you know you don't deserve her. you're disgusting, inside-out. why is someone like you wasting a nice girl's time. she doesn't deserved to be punished this way. you shouldn't do this to her, you shouldn't do this to anyone.
no one deserves being punished by being together with you. it's sick. and it's gross.
spare the poor girl.
when i'm done with the slicing and the grinding and everything else. you'll look so disfigured, so unrecogconizable that no one will host a funeral for you. your body will be in the worst state of flesh anyone has seen. you'll roam the underworld without a face, or a tongue or eyes. you will roam the underworld blind, mute and disfigured.
heaven.
the story doesn't end just there.
a sudden switch of instrument. this is almost unbelievable. but i'm gonna go it. i'm gonna be able to play like any other trombonist by wednesday. i'm gonna kill myself practicing. but that way, i know i'll make it.
gosh, 98, i'm missing you.
you know it. you know you don't deserve her. you're disgusting, inside-out. why is someone like you wasting a nice girl's time. she doesn't deserved to be punished this way. you shouldn't do this to her, you shouldn't do this to anyone.
no one deserves being punished by being together with you. it's sick. and it's gross.
spare the poor girl.
when i'm done with the slicing and the grinding and everything else. you'll look so disfigured, so unrecogconizable that no one will host a funeral for you. your body will be in the worst state of flesh anyone has seen. you'll roam the underworld without a face, or a tongue or eyes. you will roam the underworld blind, mute and disfigured.
heaven.
Monday, June 18, 2007
'your powers haven't gone huh?'
seems like your mind-reading abilities still exist. gives me a little bit of comfort but it's kind of disturbing, in a way, too. oh well. at least not everything's different.
a ton more of work to do, or to start on actually. and i hope i'll be able to finish it by the end of june holidays. i too have to get my framing for my painting done before submission date of uob painting competition, which will be on the saturday if i haven't got my facts wrong.
mister shrink! so sorry i didn't get to your phonecall. i wasn't by the phone, as usual. ahh. seems like the times in which you plan to call never seem to go well with my schedules huh? ahaha. hope to hear from you again, anyhow.
seems like your mind-reading abilities still exist. gives me a little bit of comfort but it's kind of disturbing, in a way, too. oh well. at least not everything's different.
a ton more of work to do, or to start on actually. and i hope i'll be able to finish it by the end of june holidays. i too have to get my framing for my painting done before submission date of uob painting competition, which will be on the saturday if i haven't got my facts wrong.
mister shrink! so sorry i didn't get to your phonecall. i wasn't by the phone, as usual. ahh. seems like the times in which you plan to call never seem to go well with my schedules huh? ahaha. hope to hear from you again, anyhow.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
'heartbreaker. bloody f*cker'.
i want to pierce something through your flabby disgusting body and stick it up into your heart. hear you scream and cry in pain. but no, i'm not going to pull it out and let you bleed to death. i leave it there and break the excess material sticking out of your body. and then, i'll take a blunt pearing knife and try to dig your eyeballs out of their sockets. watch you scream even more.
by this time, your screaming would have either been too deafening or just purely irritating. now, i'll stick a butter knife into your mouth and slowly saw your tongue off. now, your screams have subsided to a mere sickening muffled noise. okay, better. i stick another skewer or spear into you. up, higher, up. you drop to your knees. just right. and i pull the spear out. you drop to the ground, groaning.
i laugh, i turn my back and hear your blind, tongueless, agonized groans of pain. perfect. i walk off, laughing, of course. dream come true. bingo. i turn back around and you still crawl across the ground, leaving a trail of blood, still groaning. bullseye. this is the way it should have always been.
i want to pierce something through your flabby disgusting body and stick it up into your heart. hear you scream and cry in pain. but no, i'm not going to pull it out and let you bleed to death. i leave it there and break the excess material sticking out of your body. and then, i'll take a blunt pearing knife and try to dig your eyeballs out of their sockets. watch you scream even more.
by this time, your screaming would have either been too deafening or just purely irritating. now, i'll stick a butter knife into your mouth and slowly saw your tongue off. now, your screams have subsided to a mere sickening muffled noise. okay, better. i stick another skewer or spear into you. up, higher, up. you drop to your knees. just right. and i pull the spear out. you drop to the ground, groaning.
i laugh, i turn my back and hear your blind, tongueless, agonized groans of pain. perfect. i walk off, laughing, of course. dream come true. bingo. i turn back around and you still crawl across the ground, leaving a trail of blood, still groaning. bullseye. this is the way it should have always been.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
'you said you'd always be around. all of you did'.
one after another, you all sashay into my life like huge big wonderful heroes. like a miracle in times of chaos and death. one after another, you all come along and reach out your hand, tell me it's all going to be okay and that you'll always be there. and everytime, i stupidly reach out in naivity. countless times, i've gotta say. and bloody hell, i ask myself, why don't i ever learn to walk away?
each time you reach out your hand and put it over mine, i let my heart succumb to giving in. all of you. i give you my heart, my trust, as a friend. and maybe, i just become a little too over dependant. but hey, you did say you'd always be there. a lie, of course. as always, i ask myself why i didn't know. why i couldn't see. it wasn't that well diguised, in fact, it wasn't even. it was pretty obvious that you were going to turn you back, like all the others, and walk away. leaving me.
'always around for you', it's something i hear so often and then get played on later in the days. but, hell, why doesn't silly minjun ever learn huh? and why don't you jerks just leave? why do y'all still hang around?
gosh. so many, so many versions. one after the other. some say 'i'll always be here', others say things like 'nevermind. you've got me' or even 'i'm here'. still, they all come down to the same point- 'i'll say that i'll always be around but i'll leave you after a while'. friends huh? staying by your side always? same bullshit. all the time.
i'm dead tired, and i've got enough.
twice in one month. thrice in one year.
three of you. you guys meant everything.
one after another, you all sashay into my life like huge big wonderful heroes. like a miracle in times of chaos and death. one after another, you all come along and reach out your hand, tell me it's all going to be okay and that you'll always be there. and everytime, i stupidly reach out in naivity. countless times, i've gotta say. and bloody hell, i ask myself, why don't i ever learn to walk away?
each time you reach out your hand and put it over mine, i let my heart succumb to giving in. all of you. i give you my heart, my trust, as a friend. and maybe, i just become a little too over dependant. but hey, you did say you'd always be there. a lie, of course. as always, i ask myself why i didn't know. why i couldn't see. it wasn't that well diguised, in fact, it wasn't even. it was pretty obvious that you were going to turn you back, like all the others, and walk away. leaving me.
'always around for you', it's something i hear so often and then get played on later in the days. but, hell, why doesn't silly minjun ever learn huh? and why don't you jerks just leave? why do y'all still hang around?
gosh. so many, so many versions. one after the other. some say 'i'll always be here', others say things like 'nevermind. you've got me' or even 'i'm here'. still, they all come down to the same point- 'i'll say that i'll always be around but i'll leave you after a while'. friends huh? staying by your side always? same bullshit. all the time.
i'm dead tired, and i've got enough.
twice in one month. thrice in one year.
three of you. you guys meant everything.
'i don't wish you well'.
i'm just done watching I'm A Cyborg, But That's Ok. almost the worst film i've watched in ever. a pure waste of time, i would say. and i'm feeling utterly fustrated. maybe like how i felt on the 14th this month.
on the 14th, i spent half the day at home. i was bored and i was really really upset. it was a day i was supposed to go out to east coast with Bryan and Carmina. i was looking forward to it, no doubt. but shit came up, it was cancelled.
i would have chosen east coast with Bryan and Carmina over a bored day at home, anyday.
she'll tell you what an asshole you are, that's what she'll do. she'll spend all your money, buy all your friends, and then leave you. she'll break your heart and, of course, manipulate you disgustingly before she does. and you'll be terribly in love, for the first time, with her when she leaves your side. you break, you go depressed, you cry everynight.
i'll laugh. and i'll smile and i'll say hey, that's okay. at least, now, you can comprehend how i once felt, a long time ago.
i'm just done watching I'm A Cyborg, But That's Ok. almost the worst film i've watched in ever. a pure waste of time, i would say. and i'm feeling utterly fustrated. maybe like how i felt on the 14th this month.
on the 14th, i spent half the day at home. i was bored and i was really really upset. it was a day i was supposed to go out to east coast with Bryan and Carmina. i was looking forward to it, no doubt. but shit came up, it was cancelled.
i would have chosen east coast with Bryan and Carmina over a bored day at home, anyday.
she'll tell you what an asshole you are, that's what she'll do. she'll spend all your money, buy all your friends, and then leave you. she'll break your heart and, of course, manipulate you disgustingly before she does. and you'll be terribly in love, for the first time, with her when she leaves your side. you break, you go depressed, you cry everynight.
i'll laugh. and i'll smile and i'll say hey, that's okay. at least, now, you can comprehend how i once felt, a long time ago.
'you're deemed with the title'.
i've decided to deem my mum, sis, brother and weiqin fat arses. they demanded for more and more fries the whole sad afternoon. so i ended up frying half the huge packet of fries for the whole lot of fat arses. aha.
my mum's being all depressed recently, she and that torn achilles tendon. but the fries made her cheer up, ahaha. together with a few dirty jokes from my sister. gosh, is she such a kid.
bastard- that's your's.
i've decided to deem my mum, sis, brother and weiqin fat arses. they demanded for more and more fries the whole sad afternoon. so i ended up frying half the huge packet of fries for the whole lot of fat arses. aha.
my mum's being all depressed recently, she and that torn achilles tendon. but the fries made her cheer up, ahaha. together with a few dirty jokes from my sister. gosh, is she such a kid.
bastard- that's your's.
Friday, June 15, 2007
'it's you, i still miss'.
mama's back! but she's really upset and going all grumpy because she claims she can barely watch tv, she's feeling all sian. oh well. good knowing she's home, and that she's recovering but it's kind of worrying knowing that she'll be screaming the roof down anytime soon... oh no.
both of you, i miss you. i wish you two actually knew how much you mean. oh well. you guys aren't the first to be oblivious. i've gotten quite used to it.
mama's back! but she's really upset and going all grumpy because she claims she can barely watch tv, she's feeling all sian. oh well. good knowing she's home, and that she's recovering but it's kind of worrying knowing that she'll be screaming the roof down anytime soon... oh no.
both of you, i miss you. i wish you two actually knew how much you mean. oh well. you guys aren't the first to be oblivious. i've gotten quite used to it.
'that was what i thought'.
i always thought that 'minjun' and 'fickled' never went together. never would. well, yeah, that's what thought or wished. but i guess it was, so far, the biggest mistake i have made of myself. because i've got to realised that there are some views or decisions that i have never stuck to before. and gosh, do i pray now, that i really do. i want to. always have.
i hope you're fine. you suddenly popped into my mine. it's been long since i've spoken to you, and i guess, honestly, i really do miss you. but what is there to do, what's said has been said, and what's done has been done. you may tell another story but we both know that a distance has already been built in between us, something i don't think we'll ever be able to breech. at least, not anymore.
oh, and of course. you. i've started thinking of you to. and, talking about you, too. not as much as i used to, i've to admit, but i still do. and, yes, i miss you too. or i miss what you used to be, or what i knew you to be. it's been forever, a really long a time, since i've really talked to you. and i miss it, i really do. thinking back, you really had a way of reading my mind and i don't think i'll ever find someone who'll be able to, ever. but, well, i just have to say i'm scared of what it'll all be in the end. and maybe i'm paranoid, or maybe, really, people just change too fast and too much, and maybe we both just have. aha. well, you can't deny the age gap too. but i guess, it's just not going to be the same anymore. probably won't ever be. but, if you do know who you are, i'll like to say: thank you for everything. i can't be anymore grateful for all the times you had held my hand through so much. thank you, mister. take care there.
i'm beginning to miss everything about nothing. nothing, because, as sad as it is, they're just not there, or not the way they were, anymore.
i always thought that 'minjun' and 'fickled' never went together. never would. well, yeah, that's what thought or wished. but i guess it was, so far, the biggest mistake i have made of myself. because i've got to realised that there are some views or decisions that i have never stuck to before. and gosh, do i pray now, that i really do. i want to. always have.
i hope you're fine. you suddenly popped into my mine. it's been long since i've spoken to you, and i guess, honestly, i really do miss you. but what is there to do, what's said has been said, and what's done has been done. you may tell another story but we both know that a distance has already been built in between us, something i don't think we'll ever be able to breech. at least, not anymore.
oh, and of course. you. i've started thinking of you to. and, talking about you, too. not as much as i used to, i've to admit, but i still do. and, yes, i miss you too. or i miss what you used to be, or what i knew you to be. it's been forever, a really long a time, since i've really talked to you. and i miss it, i really do. thinking back, you really had a way of reading my mind and i don't think i'll ever find someone who'll be able to, ever. but, well, i just have to say i'm scared of what it'll all be in the end. and maybe i'm paranoid, or maybe, really, people just change too fast and too much, and maybe we both just have. aha. well, you can't deny the age gap too. but i guess, it's just not going to be the same anymore. probably won't ever be. but, if you do know who you are, i'll like to say: thank you for everything. i can't be anymore grateful for all the times you had held my hand through so much. thank you, mister. take care there.
i'm beginning to miss everything about nothing. nothing, because, as sad as it is, they're just not there, or not the way they were, anymore.
'give me reasons'.
i want to know why it all happened, why i let it. i want to know where the people i loved have gone, why everything is different. i want to know why i can't forget many unwanted memories, why i still replay them over and over again to myself. i want to know what i did wrong, if i was ever missing something. i want to know why this is happening, when it'll ever stop.
give me reasons. i want them, i need them.
Makes Me Wonder by Maroon 5:
I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
(Yeah)
So this is goodbye
Goddamn my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what you’re going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye
I’ve been here before
One day a week
And it won’t hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you say don't have a meaning
Cause
I still don’t have the reason
And you don’t have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
And I...and so this is goodbye
Give me something to believe in
Cause I don’t believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you talk about how you're feeling
But I don’t believe it’s true anymore
AnymoreI wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
(Oh no)
So this is goodbye
So this is goodbye, yeah (x 3)
(Oh no)
Thursday, June 14, 2007
'oh, you lucky thing'.
lets start off with a short post of yesterday:
debate was great! i think Carmina, Jerald, Aik Meng, Ryofred, Afiqah and Soma did very well. and they definitely had put in a great amount more effort than a few of us, back then, did. Jonathan was emphasizing a lot on this too. oh well. and the debate was hilarious! nevertheless, good job everyone!
and after that i met Min Ying, Wei Shan, Gabriel, Serene, Pei Yan and Jeremy. we went to pasir ris together for AMB's barbecue. ahaha. they took forever to the get the fire started. it was amusing, but Dawn, Siling and I were too hungry to stay. so we left for Novena. but by the time we got there, everything was closing in our faces. the sound of the falling shutters still haunt me. we ended up at MacDonalds in the end, thankfully.
oh yes, when i saw your face, gosh did i only realise how much time i has wasted. okay, so i should have noticed since forever but it only striked me yesterday how immensely disgusting you looked. and, trust me, i'm not being superficial here. when a person doesn't have the looks, they normally have the decency to make an effort at being a nice person, or at least someone who isn't a total jerk, something in which you've absolutely definitely, without a doubt, failed at doing. sad for you then. ain't mattering to me no more.
and just a word for you: i can't wait to see it end. i'll be laughing.
lets start off with a short post of yesterday:
debate was great! i think Carmina, Jerald, Aik Meng, Ryofred, Afiqah and Soma did very well. and they definitely had put in a great amount more effort than a few of us, back then, did. Jonathan was emphasizing a lot on this too. oh well. and the debate was hilarious! nevertheless, good job everyone!
and after that i met Min Ying, Wei Shan, Gabriel, Serene, Pei Yan and Jeremy. we went to pasir ris together for AMB's barbecue. ahaha. they took forever to the get the fire started. it was amusing, but Dawn, Siling and I were too hungry to stay. so we left for Novena. but by the time we got there, everything was closing in our faces. the sound of the falling shutters still haunt me. we ended up at MacDonalds in the end, thankfully.
oh yes, when i saw your face, gosh did i only realise how much time i has wasted. okay, so i should have noticed since forever but it only striked me yesterday how immensely disgusting you looked. and, trust me, i'm not being superficial here. when a person doesn't have the looks, they normally have the decency to make an effort at being a nice person, or at least someone who isn't a total jerk, something in which you've absolutely definitely, without a doubt, failed at doing. sad for you then. ain't mattering to me no more.
and just a word for you: i can't wait to see it end. i'll be laughing.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
'okay, maybe not'.
okay. on the other hand, as i look as my teammates start out doing all the scripts for the first time. i'm feeling really anxious. like, i want to help them, but i can't. i'm not that good myself too. and they look like they really have little idea what to do and all. really worried for tomorrow's debate. it's just practice, i tell myself.
maybe if i keep staring at the same page and i keep flooding myself with jealousy, i'd just overwork that 'jealous spot' in me and i'll explode. and then, that way, i wouldn't be able to feel any sort of jealousy again. ha. not making sense? hm, that's sad. i thought it was a rather good idea.
okay, now, who am i trying to kid?
okay. on the other hand, as i look as my teammates start out doing all the scripts for the first time. i'm feeling really anxious. like, i want to help them, but i can't. i'm not that good myself too. and they look like they really have little idea what to do and all. really worried for tomorrow's debate. it's just practice, i tell myself.
maybe if i keep staring at the same page and i keep flooding myself with jealousy, i'd just overwork that 'jealous spot' in me and i'll explode. and then, that way, i wouldn't be able to feel any sort of jealousy again. ha. not making sense? hm, that's sad. i thought it was a rather good idea.
okay, now, who am i trying to kid?
'oh, damn'.
oopsy. totally forgot about the about the AMB barbecue tomorrow. ahhahaha. but i managed to push tuition forward tomorrow and all. yay (: so that's done. but i know i'll be all shagged tomorrow, once i get home.
hm. it's strange, sitting around slacking while my teammates are rushing through their scripts. it's just so weird. a feeling of useless-ness. like i'm not doing anything for nothing. oh well. i should appreciate it though, a break from the stress. ahahaha.
oopsy. totally forgot about the about the AMB barbecue tomorrow. ahhahaha. but i managed to push tuition forward tomorrow and all. yay (: so that's done. but i know i'll be all shagged tomorrow, once i get home.
hm. it's strange, sitting around slacking while my teammates are rushing through their scripts. it's just so weird. a feeling of useless-ness. like i'm not doing anything for nothing. oh well. i should appreciate it though, a break from the stress. ahahaha.
'ahh, yes. the jealousy'.
of course, it's killing. it's bloody tearing and ripping me apart from the inside. you know why? because i keep forgetting that bastards like you aren't anywhere near 'worth it'. actually, very far away from 'worth it'. but still, the jealousy still sticks. like leeches on my damn skin, sucking the blood, the life, out of me. it's irritating but it'll pass. i know it will...
at least, for a short time, it'll go. i think. it should. oh well, it better, because i'm almost dying with under the weight of the damn green monster on my back.
of course, it's killing. it's bloody tearing and ripping me apart from the inside. you know why? because i keep forgetting that bastards like you aren't anywhere near 'worth it'. actually, very far away from 'worth it'. but still, the jealousy still sticks. like leeches on my damn skin, sucking the blood, the life, out of me. it's irritating but it'll pass. i know it will...
at least, for a short time, it'll go. i think. it should. oh well, it better, because i'm almost dying with under the weight of the damn green monster on my back.
'she must be one hell of a goddess'.
went to lan with Jerald, Soma, Ryofred and Harris today. aha. got trashed real bad. and yeah, sorry to Soma for the team killing. ahaha.
you, egoistic bastard.
she must be one hell of a goddess huh? to be able to have changed you so much. what the hell does she have? magic potion? blind folds? or hmm, i'm forgetting what a jerk you are... ahh. she must have one hell of a figure huh? that explains your immense 'love' for her then.
went to lan with Jerald, Soma, Ryofred and Harris today. aha. got trashed real bad. and yeah, sorry to Soma for the team killing. ahaha.
you, egoistic bastard.
she must be one hell of a goddess huh? to be able to have changed you so much. what the hell does she have? magic potion? blind folds? or hmm, i'm forgetting what a jerk you are... ahh. she must have one hell of a figure huh? that explains your immense 'love' for her then.
'hush, little baby'.
mummy, i hope you're doing fine in hospital! i really do. we miss you here (: a lot. and get well soon yeah? i hope the table will be all packed before you get back. i'll try, i'll try! and we made a card for you! i'm sorry i wouldn't be there tomorrow. but nevertheless, i'll pray for you to be fine! take care (:
i hate seeing all those around me and all those who mean to me, upset. it's kinda disheartening, knowing i can't do anything. nothing at all. i just wished i could make everything right with a wave of my have. or maybe make everything right with a hug. but it isn't that easy, i got to learn. and it gets harder when they're all turning away.
maybe they just don't want the hug huh?
mummy, i hope you're doing fine in hospital! i really do. we miss you here (: a lot. and get well soon yeah? i hope the table will be all packed before you get back. i'll try, i'll try! and we made a card for you! i'm sorry i wouldn't be there tomorrow. but nevertheless, i'll pray for you to be fine! take care (:
i hate seeing all those around me and all those who mean to me, upset. it's kinda disheartening, knowing i can't do anything. nothing at all. i just wished i could make everything right with a wave of my have. or maybe make everything right with a hug. but it isn't that easy, i got to learn. and it gets harder when they're all turning away.
maybe they just don't want the hug huh?
Monday, June 11, 2007
'i know it'll pass'.
it's strange seeing so much unbelievable change in a person. something so alien, something i never expected to see. and well, i've realised that there is a much more matured, sensible, understanding side, of this person, that i never knew before and i just wish i did. i just wish i were able to now. but well, they are just silly, senseless wishings of mine. and i hope and know they'll pass.
but of course, knowing that i'll never ever be able to truly get to know this person once again, i can't help but feel overwhelmed and almost drowing in this pool of jealousy i've dived into. which i too know and hope will pass. it has to, it should.
at least, from memory, i know that you aren't worth nothing from me. that is of course, memory of the past.
it's strange seeing so much unbelievable change in a person. something so alien, something i never expected to see. and well, i've realised that there is a much more matured, sensible, understanding side, of this person, that i never knew before and i just wish i did. i just wish i were able to now. but well, they are just silly, senseless wishings of mine. and i hope and know they'll pass.
but of course, knowing that i'll never ever be able to truly get to know this person once again, i can't help but feel overwhelmed and almost drowing in this pool of jealousy i've dived into. which i too know and hope will pass. it has to, it should.
at least, from memory, i know that you aren't worth nothing from me. that is of course, memory of the past.
'don't worry'.
despite all the apologies and all the forget-its, i can't help but feel really really guilty. gosh, i've been such a kid. not only disturbing but really disgusting and upsetting. and yup, mister retainer boy, i am so sorry. yeah yeah, your guilt trips worked, happy? aha. one more acheivement to note then.
anyway, though i didn't really get the message, which i have to honestly say- looked like a mass sent or forwarded message of suicide. it was scary. i practically jumped out of my skin when i read it. don't you ever freak me out like that again! anyway, yeah, though i didn't really get it, i just have to say that you needn't ever have to try to make yourself treasured. because, well, you already are. forever will be, long have actually. and whoever doesn't, is plain stupid and really blind.
i've said it before, and i'm saying it again: i have no reason and explanation, nor an idea why.
aha. hope you get me there.
despite all the apologies and all the forget-its, i can't help but feel really really guilty. gosh, i've been such a kid. not only disturbing but really disgusting and upsetting. and yup, mister retainer boy, i am so sorry. yeah yeah, your guilt trips worked, happy? aha. one more acheivement to note then.
anyway, though i didn't really get the message, which i have to honestly say- looked like a mass sent or forwarded message of suicide. it was scary. i practically jumped out of my skin when i read it. don't you ever freak me out like that again! anyway, yeah, though i didn't really get it, i just have to say that you needn't ever have to try to make yourself treasured. because, well, you already are. forever will be, long have actually. and whoever doesn't, is plain stupid and really blind.
i've said it before, and i'm saying it again: i have no reason and explanation, nor an idea why.
aha. hope you get me there.
Saturday, June 09, 2007
'you have no idea'.
i can't seem to care about much anymore. it's strangely worrying. two people, under the same roof as i am, are in pain. physical pain. and i wish i could really shower immense concern and acheive their every need. but horribly, and unfortunately, i'm more dead than i could possibly feel. i'm really too tired to care about anything else, selfish as it may seem.
they'll survive. they're fine.
as am i.
i just need to wallow in this self-pity for now. for now. i'm not you, remember? well, i do.
Friday, June 08, 2007
'bastard'.
Boy I want you to know
All you’re doing doesn’t hurt.
Since you want it that way,
Too bad for you.
All you are is a son
Randomly born of a father and a
Dog of a mother.
a poem that Bryan Benjamin Goh wrote for me. i had planned to put it up earlier but let's just say that i wasn't that free. so here it is.
anyway, Bryan, thanks.
Boy I want you to know
All you’re doing doesn’t hurt.
Since you want it that way,
Too bad for you.
All you are is a son
Randomly born of a father and a
Dog of a mother.
a poem that Bryan Benjamin Goh wrote for me. i had planned to put it up earlier but let's just say that i wasn't that free. so here it is.
anyway, Bryan, thanks.
'jess did, i didn't'.
why are you making such a fuss? it isn't the way you think it is. okay, so you're right. alright, i'm fine with it. it's just that everything hasn't been going about right. and i don't know what to do. this is the only way i can see that might work- running away.
for so long, everytime something went wrong. it was always gult trips you put me through. and i'd always walk out with an apology. you're proud of your manipulation skills. tell you what, i see nothing to be of. because you have no idea how hurting it was as, a friend.
i swear, i'd never give up. and i still promise you that with all my heart. but i'm just saving myself now. it's hard to understand, i know. but whatever the case, if you ever need me, i'll be here. but, as for me, i wouldn't die not being able to whine and i can be strong if i want to. so, i'll be fine, if you were even planning to worry.
thanks, really, for everything.
why are you making such a fuss? it isn't the way you think it is. okay, so you're right. alright, i'm fine with it. it's just that everything hasn't been going about right. and i don't know what to do. this is the only way i can see that might work- running away.
for so long, everytime something went wrong. it was always gult trips you put me through. and i'd always walk out with an apology. you're proud of your manipulation skills. tell you what, i see nothing to be of. because you have no idea how hurting it was as, a friend.
i swear, i'd never give up. and i still promise you that with all my heart. but i'm just saving myself now. it's hard to understand, i know. but whatever the case, if you ever need me, i'll be here. but, as for me, i wouldn't die not being able to whine and i can be strong if i want to. so, i'll be fine, if you were even planning to worry.
thanks, really, for everything.
'you emo kid'.
first time in forever that i went to art class without my mum. really relieving. okay, not relieving. but different. like it used to be. without someone watching over my shoulder. it was relaxing, let's just say.
and so, at the studio i got to converse with Cynthia and people- Theodore, Christopher. ha. it's been forever since i've talked to Cynthia so freely, i repeat, without someone watching over my shoulder and watching over my every move and word.
Theodore, i got to find, can be absolutely gay (: ahahaha. oh well. nice, nevertheless. he called me 'emo kid' (he isn't the first) until he got to realise that i am two days older than him. silly boy. oh well.
i'm missing you.
first time in forever that i went to art class without my mum. really relieving. okay, not relieving. but different. like it used to be. without someone watching over my shoulder. it was relaxing, let's just say.
and so, at the studio i got to converse with Cynthia and people- Theodore, Christopher. ha. it's been forever since i've talked to Cynthia so freely, i repeat, without someone watching over my shoulder and watching over my every move and word.
Theodore, i got to find, can be absolutely gay (: ahahaha. oh well. nice, nevertheless. he called me 'emo kid' (he isn't the first) until he got to realise that i am two days older than him. silly boy. oh well.
i'm missing you.
'alright, it's final'.
and thanks again.
well, you welcome. i hope i've been a friend who was good enough. and i hope i've made you happier when you're down. i hope you really enjoyed that laugh. because i think that's the last i'll ever give to you.
it's a long complicated story but i think i know what i'm doing... ah, yes, i'm running. if you'll get that.
in my dreams, everything is right, everything is perfect and everyone cares. i rejoice. but everytime i open my eyes, everytime i'm welcomed back to reality, everything about it seems to be mocking my dreams.
and thanks again.
well, you welcome. i hope i've been a friend who was good enough. and i hope i've made you happier when you're down. i hope you really enjoyed that laugh. because i think that's the last i'll ever give to you.
it's a long complicated story but i think i know what i'm doing... ah, yes, i'm running. if you'll get that.
in my dreams, everything is right, everything is perfect and everyone cares. i rejoice. but everytime i open my eyes, everytime i'm welcomed back to reality, everything about it seems to be mocking my dreams.
Thursday, June 07, 2007
'it ain't worth it'.
one thing i can't figure out is why i bother to feel for something so insignificant. something so tiny and useless. it's almost a waste of time and a waste of energy. there are better things to care for out there, better, more important people. i guess, it really ain't worth my time.
but of course, we tend to have unexplainable reasons for a lot of things, or an unexplainable bonding towards some things that deserve not to be noticed by anyone, don't we?
oops. that is a lot of grammatical errors there. i meant someone and some people instead of 'something' and 'it', really. i, honestly, made an error there.
a thousand and one unsaid reasons why.
one thing i can't figure out is why i bother to feel for something so insignificant. something so tiny and useless. it's almost a waste of time and a waste of energy. there are better things to care for out there, better, more important people. i guess, it really ain't worth my time.
but of course, we tend to have unexplainable reasons for a lot of things, or an unexplainable bonding towards some things that deserve not to be noticed by anyone, don't we?
oops. that is a lot of grammatical errors there. i meant someone and some people instead of 'something' and 'it', really. i, honestly, made an error there.
a thousand and one unsaid reasons why.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
'i'm not a kid'.
you've never been in love before, minjun, so you wouldn't know.
oh, gosh. go screw your damn bloody self. i'm not a kid. i'm 14, ain't the oldest a person can get but i ain't a kid and thats one damn fuckin' thing you better get. you don't read my life, it ain't a book. so you wouldn't have no damn idea of what i do and don't in it. so don't pretend like you know every shit in it. you aren't my sister. you're some outsider who hasn't any say when it comes to how i should think. because what i feel and what i think is my opinion. you're nothing to change that.
so if you fuckin' think i've never been in love before, suit yourself. but here's what, when a person is in love, they should still remain true to themself. and not give in to everything that their partner says. thats plain stupid. when you're in love, it's being yourself in front of the one person you adore most in the world. you can do the stupidest things, say the craziest things and just let your hair down. doing what you guys do is stupid. i never did and wouldn't pretend to be someone else i am.
in my opinion, that's not being in love. thats being plain, silly, infatuated.
so, go clear that damn mind of your's again. reset it. i'm f-o-u-r-t-e-en. and i'm not a kid. so go screw yourself if you have to do so. because you're just plain dumb. you don't know everything so stop being a bloody know-it-all.
age is just a number. i told you that before, but it didn't seem to get in. i expected a hell lot more from you. so much for sincerity. you once said that three was nothing but a number. yeah, i didn't exactly agree but i learned that it was true. you are a plain disappointment...
you've never been in love before, minjun, so you wouldn't know.
oh, gosh. go screw your damn bloody self. i'm not a kid. i'm 14, ain't the oldest a person can get but i ain't a kid and thats one damn fuckin' thing you better get. you don't read my life, it ain't a book. so you wouldn't have no damn idea of what i do and don't in it. so don't pretend like you know every shit in it. you aren't my sister. you're some outsider who hasn't any say when it comes to how i should think. because what i feel and what i think is my opinion. you're nothing to change that.
so if you fuckin' think i've never been in love before, suit yourself. but here's what, when a person is in love, they should still remain true to themself. and not give in to everything that their partner says. thats plain stupid. when you're in love, it's being yourself in front of the one person you adore most in the world. you can do the stupidest things, say the craziest things and just let your hair down. doing what you guys do is stupid. i never did and wouldn't pretend to be someone else i am.
in my opinion, that's not being in love. thats being plain, silly, infatuated.
so, go clear that damn mind of your's again. reset it. i'm f-o-u-r-t-e-en. and i'm not a kid. so go screw yourself if you have to do so. because you're just plain dumb. you don't know everything so stop being a bloody know-it-all.
age is just a number. i told you that before, but it didn't seem to get in. i expected a hell lot more from you. so much for sincerity. you once said that three was nothing but a number. yeah, i didn't exactly agree but i learned that it was true. you are a plain disappointment...
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
'silly girl'.
watching her was so funny. it was like a form of entertainment.
he was next to her, his face radiating boredom, resentment of her presense and anger. it was almost impossible to miss, i felt. well, she acheived the impossible, she didn't notice it. if not, she didn't want to at least. she reached out and place her hand ever so lightly on his. for a moment, his facial expressions changed. he was confused and relieved. he held her hand and squeezed it tightly in his for a split second before pushing it violently away. again, his facial expressions changed to that of what it was originally- anger and resentment of her presense.
the scared look on her face tempted me to throw my arms around her and tell her everything was fine. that she didn't need him and that she shouldn't. i so badly wanted to tell her she was being plain silly.
i didn't of course, who was i to do so?
watching her was so funny. it was like a form of entertainment.
he was next to her, his face radiating boredom, resentment of her presense and anger. it was almost impossible to miss, i felt. well, she acheived the impossible, she didn't notice it. if not, she didn't want to at least. she reached out and place her hand ever so lightly on his. for a moment, his facial expressions changed. he was confused and relieved. he held her hand and squeezed it tightly in his for a split second before pushing it violently away. again, his facial expressions changed to that of what it was originally- anger and resentment of her presense.
the scared look on her face tempted me to throw my arms around her and tell her everything was fine. that she didn't need him and that she shouldn't. i so badly wanted to tell her she was being plain silly.
i didn't of course, who was i to do so?
Monday, June 04, 2007
'ambienceV!'
ambienceV was fun! yup, thank you to everyone who made the effort to come. can't appreciate it enough (: especially to those who made an effort to come even though you guys had to wiggle out of other commitments. thanks!
yup, and the NCO posts were given out too! congrats to Ben, Sikai. ahh yes, we'll definitely have fun working with you guys. and to my dear euphone section -trombone and us babes conbined!- i hope i wouldn't disappoint you guys in any way. and to Dawn and everyone else, thanks for putting trust in me. i'll try not to let you guys down too. Rae, have fun working with ya1 (:
no idea how i wanted to speak. how i wanted to be there, to say something. it felt stupid, it even sounds stupid. but it's true, nevertheless. i wanted and still want to have done and do so much...
you wouldn't know.
ambienceV was fun! yup, thank you to everyone who made the effort to come. can't appreciate it enough (: especially to those who made an effort to come even though you guys had to wiggle out of other commitments. thanks!
yup, and the NCO posts were given out too! congrats to Ben, Sikai. ahh yes, we'll definitely have fun working with you guys. and to my dear euphone section -trombone and us babes conbined!- i hope i wouldn't disappoint you guys in any way. and to Dawn and everyone else, thanks for putting trust in me. i'll try not to let you guys down too. Rae, have fun working with ya1 (:
no idea how i wanted to speak. how i wanted to be there, to say something. it felt stupid, it even sounds stupid. but it's true, nevertheless. i wanted and still want to have done and do so much...
you wouldn't know.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
'what a nice move'.
hello!
i told you not to read it... bloody hell, why?
i don't know... curiosity perhaps.
curiosity? curiosity kills the cat, ever heard of that?
i'll respect your decision no matter what.
but i don't want it that way. i don't need you respecting my decision... i mean...
are you okay? you need your sleep. go sleep. go sleep.
but...
you need your sleep. night.
bye.
ahh. what a memoriable film. how can i forget? can you? well, i can't. the lines, oh, they keep repeating repeating in my head, over and over. i wish i could rewatch the film again and again. ahh, but of course, there's always a catch- i forgot the title to the film.
my dear, do you recall?
oh well. i remember the moral behind everything though. it goes something like: what goes around, comes around. oh, yes, a perfect recall. don't forget the moral. we should all learn.
hello!
i told you not to read it... bloody hell, why?
i don't know... curiosity perhaps.
curiosity? curiosity kills the cat, ever heard of that?
i'll respect your decision no matter what.
but i don't want it that way. i don't need you respecting my decision... i mean...
are you okay? you need your sleep. go sleep. go sleep.
but...
you need your sleep. night.
bye.
ahh. what a memoriable film. how can i forget? can you? well, i can't. the lines, oh, they keep repeating repeating in my head, over and over. i wish i could rewatch the film again and again. ahh, but of course, there's always a catch- i forgot the title to the film.
my dear, do you recall?
oh well. i remember the moral behind everything though. it goes something like: what goes around, comes around. oh, yes, a perfect recall. don't forget the moral. we should all learn.
'minjun, what exactly would stop you?'
some words aren't meant for me to read. some pages aren't meant for me to visit. if only i hadn't then i wouldn't be feeling this way. this same old exploding surge of jealousy. i feel my throat and my lungs tightening on me. i can barely breathe well. my heart is pounding again my chest, it's gonna jump out through my throat, i know. my surroundings are spinning and my mind is blank. my head is aching and i wish to faint.
let the scorpio speak of jealousy. she knows best.
Jealous by Nina:
Jealous of the girl who caught your eye
One of my darker days
When you looked at her where was I?
Shoulda been in her place
Here I am
All alone imagining what could have been
If I had been there
[Chorus:]
Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide
La la la la la la la
She's a very very lucky girl
La la la la la la la
Jealous of the one who won your heart
They say it's a perfect match
She's gonna get to be where you are
And I don't get better than that
She'll say you're fine
Whisper words I wish were mine
And they might have been
If I had been there
[Repeat Chorus]
You know I'd fight the good fight
If I thought I'd change your mind
But if she makes you happy
I would leave that dream behind
Man, she better treat you right
And give you everything
Cause at the moment she doesn't
I'll be waiting in the wings
[Repeat Chorus]
La la la la la la la
She's a very very lucky girl
tada. jealous lyrics. you read it? yup, my current feelings expressed right in these songs.
Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift:
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cuz It's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
CHORUS
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
REPEAT CHORUS
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The Only one who's got enough for me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into...
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.
some words aren't meant for me to read. some pages aren't meant for me to visit. if only i hadn't then i wouldn't be feeling this way. this same old exploding surge of jealousy. i feel my throat and my lungs tightening on me. i can barely breathe well. my heart is pounding again my chest, it's gonna jump out through my throat, i know. my surroundings are spinning and my mind is blank. my head is aching and i wish to faint.
let the scorpio speak of jealousy. she knows best.
Jealous by Nina:
Jealous of the girl who caught your eye
One of my darker days
When you looked at her where was I?
Shoulda been in her place
Here I am
All alone imagining what could have been
If I had been there
[Chorus:]
Jealous of the one whose arms are around you
If she's keeping you satisfied
Jealous of the one who finally found you
Made your sun and your stars collide
La la la la la la la
She's a very very lucky girl
La la la la la la la
Jealous of the one who won your heart
They say it's a perfect match
She's gonna get to be where you are
And I don't get better than that
She'll say you're fine
Whisper words I wish were mine
And they might have been
If I had been there
[Repeat Chorus]
You know I'd fight the good fight
If I thought I'd change your mind
But if she makes you happy
I would leave that dream behind
Man, she better treat you right
And give you everything
Cause at the moment she doesn't
I'll be waiting in the wings
[Repeat Chorus]
La la la la la la la
She's a very very lucky girl
tada. jealous lyrics. you read it? yup, my current feelings expressed right in these songs.
Teardrops On My Guitar by Taylor Swift:
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cuz It's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
CHORUS
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
REPEAT CHORUS
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The Only one who's got enough for me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing don't know why I do
He's the time taken up but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into...
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.
Friday, June 01, 2007
'no. no, everything is wrong. it ain't right one bit'.
i'm sorry. i really am. hurting you was the last thing i want and wanted to do. it's something i'll never actually even plan on doing. and though i know i did, whether you would believe me or not, i didn't mean to. at all. i never would! take my word, please. if there was anything i want to bring into your life, it would be joy and laughter. nothing else.
my words aren't coming out properly. but i mean what i say. it's as far as i can go with this confused, aching head of mine.
if i could take myself out of your life, i would. even if it meant me losing a great friend, someone i treasure, i would. cause maybe that way, i'd take out a lot of misery from your life, wouldn't i?
okay, so my words aren't coming out right.
but really, believe me. what do i have to do for you to? you mean a lot, for reasons i wish i had. and in case i'm not convincing, and because this aching head of mine isn't really helping me get my words out properly, let me just say that the one day when you told me how we should talk as much and today. this whole few days have been torture. i feel like january 28th is repeating a hundred times a day. that's how much it hurts. that's how much you mean.
please, believe me. because i swear, with all my heart, that everything i do for you or to you, my last intention is to upset you. and that for everything else, i do with all my heart and soul. please.
please.
i'm sorry. i really am. hurting you was the last thing i want and wanted to do. it's something i'll never actually even plan on doing. and though i know i did, whether you would believe me or not, i didn't mean to. at all. i never would! take my word, please. if there was anything i want to bring into your life, it would be joy and laughter. nothing else.
my words aren't coming out properly. but i mean what i say. it's as far as i can go with this confused, aching head of mine.
if i could take myself out of your life, i would. even if it meant me losing a great friend, someone i treasure, i would. cause maybe that way, i'd take out a lot of misery from your life, wouldn't i?
okay, so my words aren't coming out right.
but really, believe me. what do i have to do for you to? you mean a lot, for reasons i wish i had. and in case i'm not convincing, and because this aching head of mine isn't really helping me get my words out properly, let me just say that the one day when you told me how we should talk as much and today. this whole few days have been torture. i feel like january 28th is repeating a hundred times a day. that's how much it hurts. that's how much you mean.
please, believe me. because i swear, with all my heart, that everything i do for you or to you, my last intention is to upset you. and that for everything else, i do with all my heart and soul. please.
please.
'i pray and i beg and i hope and i wish'.
i wish i'm blessed with a power. i wish i held a magic wand in my hand. i wish that i had it so that i could put a smile on everyone's face. cheer them up from their worse misery, the one thing i fail to do very often. i wish i could make those world's of people who are important to me right. i wish i could make everything fall into place for them with a magic wave on my wand. even if it meant me taking in all negativity for them, i would do anything to make all these people smile.
so tonight, yes, i will pray to awake with a wand in my hand. to awake with an endless amount of misery on my shoulders but knowing that i have made everything right for many by taking on all the misery. i pray for all of their worlds to be set right...
please, just please, won't you hear my prayers tonight. do it, not for me, but for all the people i love and make my world. the people who mean to me. just this once, i pray, hear me.
i wish i'm blessed with a power. i wish i held a magic wand in my hand. i wish that i had it so that i could put a smile on everyone's face. cheer them up from their worse misery, the one thing i fail to do very often. i wish i could make those world's of people who are important to me right. i wish i could make everything fall into place for them with a magic wave on my wand. even if it meant me taking in all negativity for them, i would do anything to make all these people smile.
so tonight, yes, i will pray to awake with a wand in my hand. to awake with an endless amount of misery on my shoulders but knowing that i have made everything right for many by taking on all the misery. i pray for all of their worlds to be set right...
please, just please, won't you hear my prayers tonight. do it, not for me, but for all the people i love and make my world. the people who mean to me. just this once, i pray, hear me.
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