Thursday, May 31, 2007

'torn between two sides'.

band camp was tiring. but yes, we survived everything, together.


two sides. i'm stuck in between and i wish i could choose a side. i wish i could ignore the fact that everything isn't going right on either side either. well, sadly, i can't. neither can i help but doubt everything that goes through my mind, everything that steals my breath. if i could erase every thought, every past event. oh how wonderful a thought...

i watch you walk away, i do nothing. what can i? sugar-coated words. they all came down to the same hard cold fact. i needed you there, you didn't seem like you wanted to be. i want to be there, you don't seem like you need me no more. i wish that i could be by your side forever, to stand by you, every second of my life. it's all i've been wanting for weeks.

you sat, you couldn't be that oblivious, i'm sure. the sad truth was revealed ages ago, yes. well, i can say i haven't really accepted it very well, i don't plan to want to. i can't. but i watch you fall, like i never have before. i want to be there, i want to know that you'll feel better in a while. i want to know that i can put a smile back onto your face... but oh wait, i did forget. you're all grown up, you, with no doubt, don't need me anymore.


if i could just hold you in my arms and tell you it'll all be okay.


When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne:

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
Is made up on your side

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it okay
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
They lie on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever I know we were
Yeah, yeah
And all I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
Yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you

don't walk away, please. come back.

Monday, May 28, 2007

'i miss you, but i don't need you'.

that's something i know and i don't have no damn doubt about. so read it clear, cause i'm typing it out loud. i don't need no one to survive and in the least you, of all people. be there if you want, not if you don't, it ain't mattering to me in any way. so like it or not, you aren't needed around. i can very well live without a person like you.

yeah, it ain't gonna be the same. yeah, it's gonna seem like something tiny is missing. you heard me, tiny. so you, don't come along and pretend you're the biggest, greatest damn thing on earth. because here's what the truth is like- you aren't. the whole world ain't about you. well, one thing i know i'd miss when you're gone is a damn narcissistic person to screw my mood up.

so long. goodbye.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

'i won't give up'.

you hurt me. you hurt me bad. but, what was i supposed to expect from a person like you? i guess, i should have lowered my expectations. they were far too high for you to acheive, weren't they? someone i believed in, someone i genuinely care about, you let me down. you let me too far down...

still, i'll keep my promise. and when you're done looking at the world through a mirror and you've woken up to reality and accepted it, come looking for me please. i'll be here, like i promised.
'what the hell did i do?'

do i have to lose everyone i love before it'll be all fine. how can it be fine if i lose everyone i love?

this is worse than january 9th or january 28th. it's worse than anything i've ever been through. anyday i've ever lived through. i wish it were all a dream and that i'll wake up tomorrow, and it'll be saturday and i'd sms bryan and i'll be off to meet joshua and yan tze.


must i lose everyone i love?

Saturday, May 26, 2007

'i don't love you'.

it's been long since i've woken up so early. oh well, i kinda fell asleep, reading, last night. the last time i remember sitting here, under the sun that shines in from the balcony, using the computer was on the 4th of december, last year. that's as far as my memory goes...

well, since i'm almost lost for words to put down, i shall post about my day's schedule: i'll be off at 10:30 to meet Swee Kee and get the program to edit and redesign. and then it's gonna be a 45-minute journey to vivo to meet Joshua and Yan Tze -like finally, i thought the day wouldn't ever come. ahahaha- and we'll be catching lunch there. those two still seem desperate to watch pirates, and i have a strong feeling they're gonna try all ways to get me into the cinema. which i won't. aha.

considering the amount of boredom i'm facing now, i decided i might dress up today. kill a little time...

I Don't Love You by My Chemical Romance:

Well, when you go
Don't ever think I'll make you try to stay
And maybe when you get back
I'll be off to find another way

And after all this time that you still owe
You're still the good-for-nothing I don't know
So take your gloves and get out
Better get out
While you can

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
But baby when they knock you
Down and out
It's where you oughta stay

And after all the blood that you still owe
Another dollar's just another blow
So fix your eyes and get up
Better get up
While you can
Whoa, whooa

When you go
Would you even turn to say
"I don't love you
Like I did
Yesterday"

Well come on, come on

When you go
Would you have the guts to say
"I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday"

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

I don't love you
Like I loved you
Yesterday

Friday, May 25, 2007

'believe it'.

Sports Day was boring. but i had my little bits of fun though. like milo collecting and all the laughter. aha. thanks Rachel for accompanying me out! had a wonderful time, erm, choosing hair bands. hahaha. and thanks Kenju, because my dear, i love you! ha. haven't laughed so much in a while. you're damn funny ;D

Minyi! (: year my dear, fellow debator. you should cheer up my dear! 'cause you have many friend around you, i believe. i would be one of them. you, my dear, i know, are strong. so yeah, you'll be fine, yeah? yeah. you better be. ahahaha. cheer up okay girl? would love to see that smiling, jumping, psycho, screaming Minyi soon (: smile!

Bryan Benjamin Goh! =D hey mister, like absolutely sorry for today. really. if anything upsetted you, i hope you know, i am really sorry. really really really. and i do hope you're fine and smiling. yeah, don't let it get to you please. so yeah, retainer boy, i'm sorry. and thank you. for everything, and of course, for spending that ten bucks. really sweet of you. really really really sweet (: ahahaha. yeah, it ain't salty!

anyway, last but not least, Happy Birthday Miss Lee!


Jessica, thank you (:

Thursday, May 24, 2007

'never again'.

go on, scream. a perfectly beautiful day spoilt by The One-Of-A-Kind parents that i have. sometimes, i wished they could read my mind, without having to exchange words that very often come out in the wrongest of ways. i wish they could learn to listen more, the way i very much try to. maybe if they did what i do, just maybe, they'd realise i ain't all the way i seem. maybe they'd realise that i don't mean what i seem to.


i blame you. yes, i do. over everything. it's always you, it's all your doing. if not, who else's?

Never Again by Kelly Clarkson:

I hope the ring you gave to her
Turns her finger green
I hope when you're in bed with her
You think of me
I would never wish bad things
But I don't wish you well
Could you tell
By the flames that burned your words

I never read your letter
Cause I knew what you'd say
Give me that Sunday school answer
Try to make it all okay

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
And don't say
You simply lost your way
She may believe you
But I never will
Never again

If she really knows the truth
She deserves you
A trophy wife
Oh, how cute
Ignorance is bliss
But when your day comes
And he's through with you
And he'll be through with you
You'll die together but alone

You wrote me in a letter
You couldn't say it right to my face
Give me that Sunday school answer
Repent yourself away

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
And don't say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never wil
lNever again

Never again will I hear you
Never again will I miss you
Never again will I fall to you
Never
Never again will I kiss you
Never again will I want to
Never again will I love you
Never!

Does it hurt
To know I'll never be there
Bet it sucks
To see my face everywhere
It was you
Who chose to end it like you did
I was the last to know
You knew
Exactly what you would do
And don't say
You simply lost your way
They may believe you
But I never will
I never will
I never will
Never again
'you make my days worthwhile'.

everytime i lay my eyes on you, my heart flutters. your voice, when it rings in my ears, it releases a thousand and one butterflies in my stomach. my knees bunkle i see you sitting there waiting for me. it's not a long time since i've known you but you mean so much to me that it's almost impossible to describe. when you're in my arms, i wish i never had to let go. i wished i could carry you, effortlessly, around the world.

you're my baby. and you're my everything. i'd give you my heart, my soul, anyday, anytime. you mean my world and i can't imagine life without you. you bring me to great heights and give me so much strength. i know, so very well, you'll never leave me. without a doubt. i trust you, with all my heart, i really do. although sometimes, you do cost me so much frustration, my feelings for you will never change, ever.

you're so beautiful. i never want to let you go, ever. though i know, that one day i'll have to let you go. i'll have to leave you and cry as i do. i will miss you when that day comes. i pray i'll never have to, but it's almost inevitable.

i love you, my dear 98 euphonium baby (:

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

'you give love a bad name. no doubt'.

school's getting redundant with all the pointless activities. we're done checking out papers, give us a break. the only thing i see myself getting from school now is a faster ruote to suspension due to my incapability of being punctual. so hello, detention, here i come.


it was music. all around me, yes, it was beautiful. and i was playing with all my heart and soul, or so i thought i was. yet, though, i swear i heard a voice. that sick little pestering voice. i swear i heard it, no doubt. but as i looked around again, the owner of that sick little voice wasn't anywhere. gosh, i'd rather you haunt me in a better way. no wait, i take that back. i rather you scram of the face of earth.

oh, i almost forgot. i actually have the power to do that for you. get your ass of the face of earth i mean. or rather, let me make that a little simpler to comprehend- i actually have the power to destroy your life. i know it, i hope you do now.

i blame you, and i never will stop. i hate you for all you've done, love you for all you haven't- which i have to thank the heavens, for god knows that you do nothing good.

You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi:

Shot through the heart and you're to blame
Darlin' you give love, a bad name

An angel's smile is what you sell
you promise me heaven, then put me through hell
Chains of love, got a hold on me
when passion's a prison, you can't break free

Whoa!
You're a loaded gun
yeah, whoa...
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done

Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love a bad name

You paint your smile on your lips
blood red nails on your fingertips
A school boy's dream, you act so shy
Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye

Whoa!
You're a loaded gun
whoa...
There's nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done

Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love...

Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name

Shot through the heart
and you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love a bad name

Monday, May 21, 2007

'damn, what's happened?'

first band practice in what seems like eternity. gosh, was it almost magical. oh well, ambience V is coming up and you guys who read this, must come! it's on the 3rd of June, school hall, 17:30. tickets are selling at $10 bucks. pretty cheap, considering West Winds are our guest band for that evening.


not the way they seem. not at all...

Saturday, May 19, 2007

'minjun's unsually happy, without a reason'.

after days of unreasonable crankiness and limitless tantrums, this surge of happiness is feeling very foreign indeed. so alien that it kinda makes me feel high, as though i'm seriously drugged. and this time, i swear, i'm high with a serious smile plastered on my face. it feels good to smile, to be happy. i've missed that ever since... a long time ago.

oh well. since i haven't much to post about or any reason for my unusual happiness, i'll leave with a bit of lyrics.

I Will Be There For You by Jessica Andrews:

When I lost faith
You believed in me
When I stumbled
You were right there
For every act of love you've done
I owe you one

There were hard times
I know I survived
Just because you stayed by my side
With all I have, with all I am
I promise you all my life...

Whenever the road is too long
Whenever the wind is too strong
Wherever this journey may lead to
I will be there for you
Oh, I will be there for you

Through sorrow
On the darkest night
When there's heartache
Deep down inside
Just like a prayer, you will be there
And I promise you all my life

Whenever the road is too long
Whenever the wind is too strong
Wherever this journey may lead to
I will be there for you
Oh, I will be there for you


Whenever the road is too long
Whenever the wind is too strong
Wherever this journey may lead to
I will be there for you
Oh, I will be there for you


'suddenly the world seems such a perfect place. suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace. suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste, it all revolves around you.'

ah, yes, the wonder of beautiful lyrics that make beautiful, wonderful, sweet sweet songs. they make me smile very often. and yes, i think i'll waste a little space and feature one or more here. aha.

Better Together by Jack Johnson:

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard,
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things,
Like a shoebox of photographs,
With sepiatone loving,
Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart ,
Like why are we here? And where do we go?
And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy,
And sometimes life can be deceiving,
I'll tell you one thing, its always better when we're together

Mhmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone,
When the morning light sings
And brings new things,
But tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too,
Too many things I have to do,
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'll be under the impression,
I was somewhere in-between
With only two,
Just me and you
Not so many things we got to do,
Or places we got to be
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mhmm, We're somewhere in-between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when, and when I wake up,
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing,
We're better together


the magic of love. ahahaha. all potrayed beautifully in those amazing amazing songs above.
'god, have mercy on my soul'.

esprit esprit esprit. i love. ha. i bought a jacket from esprit today. though i did try a thousand other tops that didn't really fit me, and it should spoil my mood. but i swear, that one purchase that now sits beautifully, on my bed, looking so like it belongs, has made my day.

kenny rogers, i hope i'll finally meet you tomorrow. our date await my craving appetite...

Mercy On Me by Christina Aguilera:

Jesus, I must confess
That in all my loneliness
I've forsaken and I've sinned
Leaving fragments of a man so broken

I could tell you what I've done
Or should I tell you where I went wrong?

Well, the more that I start to play
My deceitful, evil ways
Keep growing stronger by the day

Oh Lord, have mercy on my soul
For I have walked a sinful road
So I'm gonna get down on my knees
Beg forgiveness to help set me free
Lord have mercy on me, please

Mother Mary, full of grace
In my weakness, I've lost faith
I've been careless, and I have been warnedA
nd the devil inside me is torn
God bless the man that I have scorned

Oh Lord, have mercy on my soul
For I have walked the sinful road
So I'm gonna get down on my knees
Beg forgiveness to help set me free
Lord have mercy on me, please, whoa

Whoa, ooh, yeah yeah
Whoa yeah, yeah
Oh whoa, yeah, yeah, oh

Said, so don't let me fool around no more
Send your angels down to guide me through that door
Well I've gone and confessed my regrets
And I pray I'm not held in contempt
I'm so lost, and I need you to help me repent

Oh, Lord have mercy on my soul
Oh, I'm begging, I'm pleeding, I'm needing
I want you to know, yeah
So I'm down upon my knees
Oh Lord,
I need forgiveness
I need forgiveness
From you


i wish to find a reason for this.

Friday, May 18, 2007

'too late, thanks for the warning though'.

i lost my voice. or close to that. my throat feels like it's on fire. everytime i cough, a dry sick sound is created from somewhere in that burning well in me. the sound so coarse and the pain so hurting that it makes me nauseous. but to hell with the damn physical pain. it's just physical. and actually, i'm honestly thankful. although i may not sound that way, i am.

as i write this post, ironically, i've felt my throat burn and my stomach turn a sick feeling on me about twelve times already.


i wished so much to be there. i couldn't make it. i wish i could jump into the air, with my fist clenched ever so tight and with the smile on my face ever so well plastered and scream, a scream of thanks. a thanks that my absence was a blessing, for me and for the many others... i wish it were a blessing. or at least feel that having not been there was ever so close to a gift from the heavens.

sadly, i fail to. like alot of other things, i fail to accomplish this one thing too. this one small tiny wish. yes, like alot of other things.


i thought this sick illness would drained me of physical energy. i thought it was just that. ah, well, apparently not. as of everything else, my assumptions are once proven wrong again. again.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

'of course, i do remember'.

The Pacifier. i first watched in on the bus in Kuala Lumpur with Ai Tong School Band. beautiful, fun, memoriable trip. complicated in a way, yes, i still do remember. every second, every minute, every word said, every action done. i remember so much, and yet so little. i remember what is past. and will always stay that way...

'i know i wouldn't have been able to do what i was expected to'.

Monday, May 14, 2007

'parnoid personality disorder'.

english noticeboard presentation to be done on thursday- research on psychological disorders here i come.

i found a whole long list of disorders and it just came to my attention that the strangest and most ordinary things are actual disorders. like Premenstual Dysphoric Disorder- it's like premenstrual stress. yeah, thats a disorder. and up to 70 to 90% of women suffer the disorder once they reach childbearing age. strangely, it still remains a disorder.


i could destroy your life in one sweet little phonecall. or one short little trip. i could tear your whole career down before you even started and i could literally destroy your life. your whole life, if i wanted. i just could, and i know that very well. do you?

Sunday, May 13, 2007

'take me away'.

hear my voice. hear my screams.

the face i got to know is missing too.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

'significance and memories, interlinked'.

barbecues are fun. especially when they're at east coast. and when they're with people you love. people who mean something, everything. people who will love you to your dying day and not lie about anything or everything. people who you can trust.

east coast is nice to be with people you love. but of course, nicer if they love you too.


redhill, henderson, east coast. thats a lot of travelling for me. and i've gotten enough. more than enough. it's tired me in every way possible. my head, my mind can kill. i think my head would roll onto the floor anytime now. it feels like it weighs a ton. yet, my body is fine and very much alive.

enough.

stop haunting me.

Friday, May 11, 2007

'you're everything'.

it's sunny and warm. close your eyes, do you smell the sea? darling, oh darling, lets fly back to heaven. lets fly away away. lets run to the sea and jump in. together, together hand in hand.
'belief'.

horoscope predictions. a guess or a coincidence? i believe more. how can something so accurate be just a coincidence sometimes? well, maybe if we all put a little faith into something, and a little trust and belief, then maybe everything would be easier. maybe if we listened to what told us was right, that little instinct in all of us, then we wouldn't be regretting over nothing.

a thousand people surround you each and everyday. maybe a tiny fraction of which you trust, a whole sea of others in which you don't. and maybe if you summed up all those you really trust, in your life, maybe it'd come up to a number no bigger than ten. well, i figured that sometimes although we should put trust into things we believe in, yes, thats what i said... but maybe sometimes, the best thing to put your trust and your bets on is yourself, the person within you. or maybe, the voice within you.

contridicting it may seem. just a little observation i learnt... and maybe just a few words of regret.


jess, i'm sorry.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

'lies'.

do you think there's a way of twisting our thinking, doing someting that will warp our thoughts and make us believe what our hearts truly don't? do you think that if we, maybe, recited a wishful belief in our heads over and over again, we'd actually genuinly believe it eventually? is that how successful lying comes about? is it possible to truly believe in what we never felt we could? convince our hearts to feel otherwise about everything that went against our self-morals?

if it were possible, decisions would be easier to make. if things were so simple, minds could be changed within seconds. no, simply, minds could be changed. but of course, things don't work that way, no matter how much we really do want them to, do they? we can try our hardest to convince ourselves into feeling and believing in something, but in the end, even though we might think we have succeeded, would we have, really? deep down in us, would we have been convinced so?

god, if only things were so easy to change. if only things worked perfect. if only things worked that way. a thousand 'if only's.

if i could escape.


thank god huh. for what?
'dead afraid'.

one, two or three.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

'exploding with angst'.

i need to scream. i'm so freakin' worked up, really over nothing, that i can almost feel an imaginary dagger, no, parang, in my hand. i am so ready to stab. to kill. to dig his guts dead. i want to stab it so deep into the one person i hate the most and watch the life drain out of his very eyes. to watch him go pale and die. to finally sigh in relief, knowing that i did the world a favour- i killed him.

but, of course, i can't. i can't stab him. i can't kill him. okay, i can. but i, obviously, will too die together with him, in a matter of days. i will be put on death sentence. considering my age though, maybe just a lighter sentence. but still, i can't... and that kinda sucks.

screw the possibilities man. tonight, as i close my eyes to sleep. as i bid reality goodbye for a mere 6 hours of sleep, i will grip the parang in my hand ever so tight and stab you in my dreams. yes, dreams. and tomorrow as i say hello to wonderful reality, i'll wake with a smile on my face. i'll wake with the pleasure of the thought of you dead.

god bless the day you die.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

'if only in your face'.

first of all, let me start out with an apology to 2/3 for throwing up in class yesterday. really. sorry that you guys had to evacuate. i would have ran in time to the washroom really, if only the geog paper ended earlier... so yes, my dear 2/3, i'm sorry.


with everytime of the three times i threw up yesterday, i couldn't help but strongly wish you were standing before me. each time my stomach violently churned and it purged a disgusting substance up my mouth, i really wished you stood before me. i wished i could throw up all over your face. watching you squirm in disgust...

maybe that was what made me recover so quickly. the thought.

Sunday, May 06, 2007

'the urge to kill'.

this is the part my hands tremble and i shake. i wish i could bring a knife to his neck and slice his into pieces. or her neck. anyone's neck actually... everyone's.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

'three'.

i was born in 1993.
i was the 3rd kid in the family.
i'm in 2/3.
my register number is 23.
i wish i was 3 years old right now.
i've been painting for 3 years.
i ate 3 oysters just now.
i'm 13 today.
it's been 3 years already.

the square-root of 9, the number of sentences above is 3.
'i can't watch this'.

he wouldn't know. neither would she. or anyone.

who would? who would even care?

enough. enough of this.
'i'm not me'.

something's different. something's gone. it's irritating and it's bugging me because i can't seem to realise what it is. okay, maybe i have, but how can it be?

i'm not this weak. and i'm not going to fall. it's something unimportant, a waste of time and small. it shouldn't matter. it doesn't. how can it? yeah, of course it doesn't matter. it won't ever. i won't.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

'minjun? minjun?'.

i never liked running with the aim of reaching out for something. i never liked sweating in the aim of running after something. i never liked the game of tag or catching. and, simply, i still don't. so why won't you guys stop messing me up and leave me alone. i do not like catching. and i simply do not like the games you 'll are trying to play with me. you heard me: i don't want to play tag anymore. i'm sick of being it. why don't you guys start chasing in vain for a start? you guys can tell me how you like it after that...


she's been acting so strange recently. am i doing too much for her? am i turning her heart to stone? she seems barely able to feel for anyone or anything anymore. where is she? maybe i'm taking over too much. on the other hand, it is something good. she is rather too weak, at times, for her own good. at times. but now, despite myself, i'm afraid that she's turned into a whole other person. she isn't the girl i knew... she isn't the girl who needs my help anymore. i've lost her, she's gone, she has disappeared.

once, her weakness was unbearable just to watch. i'd stand and watch her, laughing myself to sleep. a sleep of boredom... now, watching her scares me. she's insensitive. her emotions have disappeared. she watches others fall and she laughs, even those she used to love, those who meant the world to her. when she starts showing a little gratitude, a little sensitivity, i can't help but to breathe a sigh of relief: there's my girl. perhaps i taught her a little too much, held her hand a little while too long, too far. really, who is she now? i don't know her that well anymore...

maybe, just maybe, she has become me.

what have i done?

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

'more than important'.

i figured that there are only two people who can cheer me up from my worse of moods. as in, really cheer me up in the shortest period of time. like almost instantly. and i'm thankful (: so i'm gonna dedicate two whole paragraphs to these two people who are really important to me:

Joshua Gan! yes, my shrink, you. gosh, god knows how i have gone from mad to madder since you've gone into army but nevertheless, thank you for everything! it's heartwarming to know that there are people in these world that still feel that i'm safe enough to talk to, hopefully. aha. really, thank you for honestly, you are one of the people i have to really really really thank for bringing me through a whole lot of shit. and i cannot be anymore grateful than i already am, mister shrink... aha. 12th november is a week after my birthday by the way (: since you didn't catch that.

Bryan Benjamin Goh! yes, the one person who entertains my 'emo piang' calls very often. and yeah, thanks (: trust me, talking to you put a smile on my face very often and nobody's gonna change that. aha. and you are one of the weirdest sick people i know! ha. and yes, when i'm at my emo-est you are always there with your sentences that, 80% of the time, start with 'kiddo ar...' ahahahaha! yes, i've noticed! and of course your weird retainer habits. aha. so once again mister Bryan Benjamin Goh, thanks. for everything. for putting a little light into this world of mine... aha. leowliew min jun here appreciates everything, you LOUSY PRONOUNCIATER.

i thank god everyday for friends of those i have. for all the people in the world who respect me and love me for who i am... i thank god for ridding those who don't XD

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

'i swear i'll make you have less motivation to live than ever before'.

aha. i gave up on math. it's driving me mad. i give up give up. i really really really totally give up... oh well, one thing i know though: i'm going really early to school tomorrow. heh. that's if i can wake up in time... lalala.

i wish jessica didn't go off so early. because if it were her blogging now, she would have shown you all what made me extremely happy. ha. now, let just say she was a total bitch just now.

gosh, i love the sweet taste of revenge (:

thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great.


hello, i brought my blender and my knife. please, can i kill you now?
'mister bastard, jessica has a word for you'.

i've been doing math the whole damn day and i've only come up with a sad number of 20+ completed questions. and that kinda sucks because i have twice the amount more to go. sounds good? i think so. you think?

you asking me why i didn't complete it early eh? i deserve this, huh? uhhuh. i, honestly, damn right agree. because i bloody hell wasted a whole free day yesterday. and i was left with today to finish the whole truckload of work. but guess what? minjun ain't exactly the person who has a focus level of 100%. sounds cool? yup, i think it does.

so yay to the world, because minjun screwed up once again...


hey mister bastard, you know you ain't talking the truth. you know you, damn right, are lying. your promises? well, they never last. so why don't you shut that crap talkin' mouth of your's and bury yourself in a little hole to go rot and die. that's what i'd want. that's what a lot of people'd want actually... once, i was talkin' to some other guy who told me how he and his friend agreed that you'd be the one person a kidnapper should get because he'd be doing the world a huge great favour there. you wanna know a little something? i happen to really agree with him there.

so, mister bastard, take my sweet lil' advice and go bury yourself. or better yet, go jump down a tall tall building and die. alright alright, let me make it easier for that small lil' brain of your's to comprehend- just get your ugly lil' face off the face of this earth. you comprehend now? i really hope you do...

it's about time that you should just stop bloody lying to everyone around you.
'isn't that what love is about?'

i watched A Lot Like Love in the afternoon, after watching Moulin Rouge. A Lot Like Love is a really nice. really really sweet. the type of cheesy, typical hollywood sweet ending, type of a show. So is Moulin Rouge actually... gosh, i'm suck a sucker for romatic comedies.

i really really really really miss Love Actually. it's the one movie i've been craving for forever but my search for the recording always ends up in vain. sadly...

now, let me name a few meaningful phrases from the movies.

Moulin Rouge: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return.

A Lot Like Love: This is your life, it doesn't wait for you to get back on your feet.

'Isn't that what love is about? Going through thick and thin with the one person who means the world to you.' now, i'm not clear of which movie that came from. it's just a phrase stuck in my head, something i can't get out... i'm still wondering actually.