'all over again'.

i've never felt this way for such a long time. but now, the familiarity is flooding all back again. the darkness, the fear, the pain and yes, the hurt... it's stabbing me like a psychotic killer. it's killing me like i'm a chicken for the table. the nauseating knot in my stomach is making me sick, the sharp and throbbing hurt in my chest is making me cry, with no tears but on the inside...

everything looked alright. i felt myself move one foot in front of the other. even if it only meant an inch, still, i almost moved. and like a bullet shooting straight through me, letting me fall back a few steps, your words killed me from the inside. it made me fall all over again like i was a non-living object, a doll without feelings or a soul. well, as unfortunate as it may seem, i do have a soul and i do have feelings too... and they just happen to be the reasons why my knees feel bruised and my chest feels empty. it's the same vertical ruote down i've been travelling... i'm tired, i swear i am.

a lot of people maybe not understand but its a feeling of something so dear being taken away so suddenly that i just find difficultly living with, that bitter aftertaste. like this gust of happiness was thrown to me, i caught it, i enjoyed it. and some sick person came along, and in a snap of his fingers, everyting poof was taken away. even the one thing that brought me so much happiness itself, was taken away. not one bit of joy left for me to keep, not one bit of tangible memory. just that of which i guard so dear in me, that of which i keep in my heart and pray will never be taken...

i just wonder if falling from great heights would give me as much pain as i feel now i doubt it would if i don't manage to live...