'The Time Traveler's Wife'.

wonderful book. and i suggest everyone to read it because it's just absolutely beautiful and worth every minute of your time spent reading it...

oh, but there's this few sentences that i just love. so, i guess i'll put it up here:

'I miss her. Clare... well, 'miss' is inadequate. Clare is bereft. Clare walks into rooms and forgets why she is there. Clare sits staring at a book without turning a page for an hour. But she doesn't cry. Clare smiles if I make a joke. Clare eats what I put in front of her. If I try to make love to her Clare will try to go along with it... and soon I leave her alone, afraid of the docile, tearless face that seems to be miles away. I miss Lucille, but it is Clare I am bereft of, Clare who has gone away and left me with this stranger who only looks like Clare.'


if not for everything else.

'you can put the blame on me'.

akon's song is playing on the radio. it's echoing in my mind now...

i was staring at my palms today. trying to read them at best i can. and i was looking at how strangely my heart line cuts my life line at the estimated age of 11-13. and how my left palm doesn't have the same lines. my left palm is supposed to be the hand with the lines that show what i was initially born with, my right shows what it has changed into.

and on my heart line, i have a huge, deep, line cutting across. oh yeah, the different lines signify different relationships with different people that enter your life. i have one that cuts across at an estimated age of 23-25. and another deeper longer line at the estimated age of 31-33.

the intersection of my life line and my heart line amazes me most. rather strange, and it scares me.


i'm craving for something. i want it so badly, and i can't suppress it with anything else. i really just want to have it now, and here. nothing else can make up for the absence of it right now.

'can anything better happen?'

i lost my science textbook. and it happens to be the subject i'm least confident in right now. i can't find my textbooks, and i have to search for my notes. which might probably be lost too... i'm bloody dead. my exam's on friday. i hope i can pull through.

i really don't want to be in combine.

'i'm bad under pressure'.

i never work well under pressure. and that would explain why my compo turned out horrid this morning. the more i think about it, the more angry i get. i always crumble under pressure. how awfully annoying.

oh well, i rewrote it a few minutes ago. it's not perfect but it sure is times better than what i submitted. here goes:

Mission Accomplished

ABCEDShe never meant anything more than a figure that kept clothes on my back and food on the table. If anything, the only emotions I felt for her were those of hatred and disgust. So very often, those emotions brought out a different side of me, and together with that, disgusting thoughts that dance about, seductively, in my mind. Just as often, I never managed to push them away. I would allow them to go on dancing, although sometimes, I chose to dance along with them.
ABCDEI often wished that Daddy had taken me away together with him. Instead, I was left with her, her to bring me up, teaching me, at the same time, to survive without love. The only bit of love in her was showered upon her shaggy terrier which was always cuddled in her arms. Her terrier that received praises that I may never live to hear. Still, I felt ever so obliged to address her with that one word that got my insides churning, and made me feel so ill – Mum.
ABCDEI sat on the sofa, knees to my chin, with a book in hand, feigning fascination for the pages of dull words before me. I sat, observing the way she scurried around the house, piling velvet cushions beside one another, beloved creature in hand. I observed how she gently placed the disgusting squirming animal onto the pile of cushions, whispering words into its misshapen ears, a smile I rarely received, plastered across her face.
ABCDEShe took careful, tiny steps up onto the second landing of our house. Each step with so utmost cautiousness that I would think she could fall over with every step she took. Soon, I could hear the taps shriek and water run, as I returned to the book that now sat open on my laps.
ABCDEBefore I could proceed any further with my reading, I heard an annoying little tatter of paws against the parquet. I looked down to see the shaggy little brown creature, tennis ball in mouth, looking up at me pleadingly. Its plea of attention made me feel so sick, it could barely live without attention showered over it, even just for a second. I would switch place with it anytime, I would like to see it live my life.
ABCDEIgnoring the fur ball that lingered at my heels, I lay back on the sofa and listened to the sound of fast, speeding traffic on the main road, right outside my main door. Perfect.
ABCDEI reached down and tugged the tennis ball out of the creature’s mouth, watching it race between my legs, as I opened the main door wide open. I observed the cars pass. I felt the caress of the thoughts in my mind, and I tried to resist them, but they were much too tempting for me. They asked me to dance, I joined in.
ABCDEJust then, the taps from above squeaked shut and I heard the soft footsteps near the staircase. At this moment, I swung my arm back and threw the tennis ball, grinning as it bounced off the pavement, onto the main road. I was almost laughing now, as the mindless creature hopped out the door and onto the busy road.
ABCDEWithout shutting the door, I got back to the sofa and sat down, waiting for her to tiptoe back down the steps.
ABCDEWhen she did, her eyes immediately darted across the room, towards the empty pile of cushions, and then to the open door. I watched her face turn ash pale as she gazed onto the blood-stained road, in which the body of her little terrier lay, barely in one piece.
ABCDEHer scream echoed through out the house, and rang in my ears. Something about it felt so sweet, so relaxing, and so very comforting. I lay back on the sofa and closed my eyes, treasuring the moment of it all. Yes, it felt so right. Perfect – mission accomplished.

no matter how hard i try, i can't find a way to leave the space before each paragraph. i stuck with leaving white letters before each paragraph. it seems to look fine

if only exams were carried out at home. that'd be nice.

'dang, that's bad'.

history sucked. i really screwed up the paper, and i hope i still would be able to pass. it's gonna pull down my overall results, but to hell with that. nothing i can do now. i finished the paper way too early, i had 40 minutes to sleep. how assuring huh.

well, i hope i do well for english. i kinda blanked out a bit. so that'll explain the lack of vocab. and lack of describtion. i was thinking of writing it out from home again. now, perhaps. i'm a little bored and i don't feeling like studying... i'll post it if i do get it done.


it's one of those days.


hey stranger, you coming back soon?

'i do miss that, i just don't cry for it anymore'.

history bores me. i can recall the thousand of times in which my eyes start hurting after reading through a few chapters of the textbook. and the times that my eyelids start to feel so heavy that i have to give in to the seductive caress of fatigue and close my eyes, lay my book next to my side and fall into a deep dreamless sleep.

good luck to everyone tomorrow.


been there, done that.

would want to try again.

but yet, thinking about it - perhaps not.

'c'mon, minjun, you can do this'.

nto much of a difficulty really - being nice and all. just stop the snite remarks, the blunt remarks, the outrightly insulting words, and of course, the disgusting horrid thoughts. sure, a huge source of fun will have to disappear but it's worth it all.

i've planned out everything right. i'll not be pushed over of coure, but i'd remember to stop with the uneccessary insults and comments. and for now, i'll stop being a bitch, gradually. it's not possible to be an immediate thing after all... well, i'll just start with one person for now. one person that i should have been nice to, but couldn't, and almost didn't want to.

of course, i'm not gonna be hypocritical, but i'm gonna really stop all the bitchyness, from the inside.

oh, by the way, don't think that putting me on guilt trips work. because, well, they don't! it's just that i'v ebegun to realise that i don't feel guilty about the things other people normally would feel guilty over. and the more i analyzed it, the more i began to see that something is wrong, somewhere. seems like my conscience died after i repeatitively demanded it to shut up...

i'm gonna revive it now.

ahhh. i can do this!


bye bye, fun. i really don't want to leave you behind, but i have to. haven't much of a choice.

'funny how sometimes, things change just like that'.

the Hock Lee Bus Riot was so lame, really. the more you look at it, the more senseless it gets. and of course, the more amusing it gets too.


sometimes, after a while, i guess, we all learn to give up. we learn to realise that hoping and wishing against all odds would end up in nothing. it'd only end up in the same disappointment, the same crushing feeling in you. so, i guess we learn to give up, even if it meant giving up on something that means so much.

we learn that the most we could do was pray for the best for that something we still really care for but can't get. we learn to let go, to move on, but yet, not completely.


i still taste murtabak in my mouth. and curry... yum.


i wish you all my best. and it makes me smile, knowing you've found someone to spend your days with, to be there for you. someone who makes you smile, just the way you made all your other friends too.

take care.


i wish i had a reason, you know. i wish i had a reason for you. for everything i do to you, for all the reasons i despise you. but, as much as i want to, i can't come up with an honest reason why. and i know it sounds really despicably unreasonable, but that's as much reason as i can give.

there's something about you that i can't put my finger on, that something that i just cannot seem to accept. and i'm really sorry, but i can't do much about it. i'm trying to accept your flaws, but it's just too much to. it's simply not an easy thing to do.

still, i think you do, often, get me wrong.

'promise me that you'll not be an ultimate bitch by the end of this year'.

everytime i study for history, after each chapter, i'm bound to fall asleep. it's so bloody boring, history. and i know i can do so much in that period of time that i fall asleep, but i can't help it really. i yawn so badly that i can barely concentrate on the text before me...

i need to work this out, one way or another. exams are on friday!


Heroes season two had begun! ha, i've managed to watch the first episode during lunch. at well, it's as good as ever. i'm hoping, though, that this season will be even better.


alright, i'll try. i promise... yeah, i know, no one would be able to stand me. ahaha. bye, darling.

'i need my sleep, soon i guess'.

i do get annoying, many a time, actually. but, you being the person who knows me best, should understand, my best friend, my cousin. the world doesn't revolve around you, you don't expect the whole world to weep when you do. i would have thought of you as someone who'd know that.

perhaps, i got on your nerves. well, i'll tell you - i was merely hoping you'd somehow lighten up. apparently, it didn't seem to help, and i did manage to realise that, perfectly well in fact, when the conversation ended with you saying why don't you just call me when i'm a lot less boring tomorrow then.

i've a lot more to worry about, like my up-coming exams, for example. you were the last person i thought to be so unreasonable. well, go on and be as immature as to ignore every call i make to you, without reasoning anything out at all. because right now, i'm not planning to waste my time on your silly little tantrums.
you disappoint me so.




love this song by corrinne may, beautiful seed:

You can fill the darkness
with just one flash of light
Break the silence with just one word
One defiance starts a revolution
One life can save the world

On the steps of Washington
Sprinkled like confetti
Thousands of people sing
"we shall overcome"
The preacher shouts:
"Let freedom ring"
He gave his life for what he believed

You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where
foes can meet
Hope for the future
Shout it, don't whisper
'Cause dreams are what we make them to be
There's hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed

She's a pastor's daughter
She's only 16
But her heart and belly
are beaking at the seams
Her boyfriend blames her
He wants to pay
for the doctor to wash it away

As she lays in the hospital
A Christmas choir is singing
About a child in a manger
fragile and small
"unto us is born a Saviour"
She looks at her baby and cries
as she sings him a lullaby

You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where
foes can meet
Hope for the future
Shout it, don't whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There's hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed

Every hope, every power
lies in the heart of a seed that flowers
Intertwined all across the land
we're all seeds in the maker's hands

'doesn't hurt that bad'.

went for dental appointment today to tighten my wire, and thank god i went for the 'higher technology' braces, because although it hurts a little, i don't have to live on soft food for the next three days. i still can eat without too much pain.

oh well, love this song by Colbie Caillat, Bubbly - lame title though:

(will you count me in)

I've been awake for a while now
You've got me feeling like a child now
Cause everytime I see your bubbly face
I get the tinglies in a silly place

(chorus)
It starts in my toes and I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes, I always know
You make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time, wherever you go

The rain is falling on my window pain
But we are hiding in a safer place
Undercover staying safe and warm
You give me feelings that I adore

Its starts in my toes, make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes, I always know
You make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time, wherever you go

What am I gonna say
When you make me feel this way
I just...hmmmm......

And it starts in my toes makes me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes, I always know
You make me smile please stay for a while now
Just take your time, wherever you go

I've been asleep for a while now
You tuck me in just like a child now
Cause everytime you hold me in your arms
I'm comfortable enough to feel your warmth

It starts in my soul and I lose all control
When you kiss my nose, the feeling shows
Cause you make me smile
Baby just take your time now
Holding my tight....

Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Wherever, wherever, wherever you go
Oh wherever you go, I always know
Cause you make me smile even just for a while

'bloody hell...'

hm, i finally woke up on time to go to art class. and i did quite a fair bit on my painting which makes me kinda please. i also took pictures of little kids' hands, for my art poster thing. but the camera conked up and daddy had to erase it. bloody waste.

oh well, i made do with my own hand, in the end. it looks alright, i guess, i hope.

i think i'm coming down with a serious flu. horrid throat inflamation and terrible headaches. feeling totally feverish. sigh, not the best of times to be sick actually. with exams comin' up and all...


dental appointment's tomorrow, after school. the thought of tightening the wire worries me. ouch.

'tadaa. toodles... i'm bored'.

went out for dinner with my parents at The Ship, kinda like a steak house with fantastic steak and oysters. yum.


i wanna play minesweepers really bad. and i can't find someone to play with, or someone who can play it well. okay, at least not anymore. used to enjoy that game a lot... had the person to play it with, and the time. ha, i'm bored.

perhaps, i should just turn in.


oh, but before i do, i just wanna post a few beautiful pictures:



once again! the love...





i've learnt to appreciate the beauty of nerds. and Topher Grace looks adorable. the more you stare, the better he gets. ha. i love the cast on Win A Date With Tad Hamilton!.

'the pain, it's almost gone'.

ahh. went cycling at east coast with Siu Lun and Mei Ling. cycled to the end of the stretch of the road. we also stopped at the breakwater no.28 - my idea. i needed to sit there for a while, i missed that place. oh well, we had loads of fun and hell, my legs are aching horribly.

enjoyed my day with you guys. (: and, aha, siulun, yeah i survived the ride home, thank you. and i still owe you $1.25 for the H20.

thanks again.

'i'm sorry if i've done wrong'.

i've commited many immature acts. a hell lot of countless unsensible doings too... and i'm awfully guilty, i would admit. and for all the irrational acts that i have done, i'd like to say that i'm really sorry. that i was really silly and i could have thought through what i had done before doing it.

if i could reverse a lot of things, and take back many words i've said, i would. without a doubt, again, i definitely would do so. but because i can't travel back in time, and i most definitely can't change the past, i just have to live with the regret, for as long as it haunts me, and i guess i'll only be able to apologize and do nothing more.

one day, i'll hope you'll understand. and one day, i'll hope that you know how much i feel i owe you. perhaps, just perhaps, one day, you'll know this is all to you. for you.

'it does make me awfully upset'.

it must have been somewhere around, you liar. it couldn't just have disappeared. couldn't have. and i actually had wanted it so bad. screw you.

'he's so dreamy...'

i know it's exam period and that i should really be studying. but... who can resist this!



oh, gosh.



or this!

ahh, the sexyness.

'you make me go crazy'.

i shouldn't have gone so freaking high in the afternoon. aha, or in other words, i shouldn't have laughed incontrollably without reason and jumped around without reason in the afternoon. it has worn me dead out. now i feel really stonned and totally shagged.

will just have to sleep soon.

'must be one of my better moods'.

studying makes me feel rather accomplished. i mean, i've never studied like this for the past... two years? yeap, and well, i feel good studying. like i'm finally doing something right in my life. but gosh, does it kill me. makes me all stone and crap.


blessings to the happy couple. ha.

'let me feel the wind on my face'.

let the wind swallow my sighs away in itself. let the wind sweep my mind of all troubles. let the muscles in my leg burn as i race under the shadows of the trees. let the grains of sand scrub my toes sore as i leave my footsteps all over the beach. let the joy of my memories engulf me, and let the pain of them be washed away together with the waves.

east coast.

why does it still bring me so much joy? even if it's just imagining the wind beating on my face.

'studying bores me real bad'.

i hate studying. i do. even though all i'm doing is reading through mengling's notes and copying them all out again so that it gets into my head, i feel like i could die. it's so bloody boring and energy consuming. ahh.

end of years, this is what i'm putting myself through, for you.

'failed plan'.

one, i didn't think i'd feel so much guilt engulf me. it's the first time that suffocating feeling has made me change my mind, one which was almost set. dang, huh. i thought i would had gone through with it all the way and not turn back. i overestimated myself... oh well, plan B then.

two, i had planned to go home, bury my head in my books and never live to see anything else within the next 3 hours. but it didn't work. i got home and made a few phonecalls, really long ones and then i set before the tv, telling myself i will study right after this. i forgot to consider my falling asleep due to the boredom the documentary was causing me.

oh well, off to fufil my failed plans. for once.

'please do this little favour for me'.

today's not one of the jealous days, so, here goes:

girl, i see he has fallen for you real good. and hell, i bet it'd kill him if you leave. so please take care of him there. i wouldn't be able to see him hurt again. and, well, you better not mess around with my friends. i'd kill you. if i could. or if he'd allow me to... ahaha. take care of my friend, girl. you better.

'where is my mind?'

it is amazing how much amusement this is giving me. and yet, the guilt is still there, buzzing into my ear. should i destroy someone's life even though he hasn't really done me much harm? in fact, no harm at all. i don't even know him, and neither does he know who i am.

my conscience is finally speaking up.

at the wrong time though.

'i've walked there before'.

went shopping with my mum, dad and sis today. went to esprit, got my shirt. the dream jeans that i tried on the other day is no more on the shelves. at least not the shelves of the branch of esprit i visited. how awfully heartbreaking. by sis got herself a striped top, and mum bought a striped long sleeved cotton shirt. i got jeans from nafnaf for 60 bucks. i thought it was a rather good deal...

now that shopping is done, it's time to get done with my work too.


i remember now.

They're like us.

"Haha. i'm the white! you're the black."

Yup. Look, the black shell fits into the white. They look good together, they fit perfectly.

i smiled.

i wish i could hear those words again, relive those moments again. those perfect, beautiful moments. i wish to relive them for real, instead of playing it over and over again in my mind. each time, the memory more blurred than before. as if it's fading away, slowly.

i do hope you kept it, anyway. both of them.

'i want you here i with me, now now now'.

ellen hopkins, her books leave me feeling like shit all the time. depressed, disturbed, and upset. without a faintest idea why, most of the time. and that makes me a hell lot more upset, acutally. if only you were here to help me sort out my mind like you used to, though. that's be good, and i'd really like that...


the last time i ever felt so bad, i had something to keep me stable. or someone. he'd wipe my face dry from tears and he'd do anything to hear my laugh, or so it seemed. and i miss him for that, or whatever i knew about him.

i could say that i never knew him, actually. all i thought i knew about him, anyway, turned out a bunch of lies. a whole facade, a pretence. even though it felt so real, i guess now, that it wasn't exactly too real. so really, i do miss him a lot. but i couldn't use his name, not now, not anymore. cause afterall, the person i knew wasn't him. it was someone different, someone totally gone. for good.

woohoo.


hurray. it took courage. guess you didn't realise that huh? must have lost your skill through time then.

'impulse'.

a book i'm reading. hm, i like this page of verse, titled Mania Blossoming:

'My brain won't quit churning.
I keep seeing pictures, like movies.
Faces. Eyes. Hands. Bodies.
My body, next to Trevor's.
that's what I'm seeing.
He wans't my first,
wasn't my only,
but he made me feel how
none of the rest could.
How I wish he was here
now, to put out this fire,
this low bank of coals,
smoldering between
my legs. But Trevor
isn't next to me,
never will be again.

I can't deal with your
freaky mood swings,
Vanessa. One minute
you're solid, the next
you're like water.
Boiling water. I love
you. But not enough
to stay with you.

His words were fists,
pounding my belly,
snatching air from
my lungs. I couldn't talk,
couldn't breathe, so how
could I answer?
He turned his back,
walked away, and I wanted
to die right there.
Instead I went home,
where my hungry
new razor blade
lay in wait.'

'hello, i'm so sorry for everything'.

i know, i know, i know that i'm supposed to grow up and sort everything out. not only for you but for everyone else, because this huge fiasco has been going on forever. and i want to, maybe not enough, but i basically, want to. i just forget what i want sometimes and i let my silly thoughts take over. i am so so sorry.


sometimes, livejournal is just better when it comes to things regarding you. there's so much about you that i miss. where are you now that i need someone to cry over the phone to? where are you now that i need someone to sigh and tell me how silly i am? where are you now that i need someone to wake me up and sort everything out?

i miss you, my friend.

'sudden realization'.

oh, what a waste of time. to have spent so long, hating someone and dreading something that had happened months ago. and on top of that, so so so much time has passed. it's almost nearing a year in fact and yet, i have no idea why i still am so affected by what happened yesterday.

not like my sudden realization would make a difference, it's just that i thought i'd note it down and see how long it'd take for me to change my view point of the entire situation.


how do i tell you how much i miss you, my friend? never thought i could be forgotten this way... awfully saddening, but i'll love you anyway. always will. i'll be here praying and hoping you'll be fine, every single day. still, though, i'll wish that someday, one day you'll come to realize that you once have had a friend like me.

i'll see you then, then. take care, my friend.

'we were bored, i'm still the same person though'.

no, please don't accuse me of being a twit, or a bimbo. the computers in the school library were so freaking slow that we got bored and i got irritatingly high. i hope the following pictures will be of enough evidence!



don't ask why the two euphone babes are cut off. must be the amount of space lydia needed. XD



and lydia made up for it here, by cutting half her face off!



the two darlings who tolerated with my annoying habits the entire afternoon.



us acting twit-ish. yeah, check out the belts and the reflected image. it says it all. (:



my darling babe!



i love. =D

had loads of fun annoying everyone around us by screaming in the library and had loads of fun annoying lydia and weishan by acting totally annoying, utterly whiny - resembling a perfect youngest sister.


sometimes, things have to be forgotten. and put behind.

and it's wonderful people, and days, like these, that make everything better...

'wrong person, i would reckon'.

i wish i hadn't fallen asleep just now. could've gotten a lot of things done, and wouldn't have wasted all my time.


dreams are there for us to pretend like we've got something we long for, just for that few moments. they never do come true really, despite how hard we pray. they're there to taunt us, in its own way of saying how you'll always fail to acheive what you want, despite wanting it so bad. they're there to tell you where to stop, and when not to go further, in acheiving what we want.

so, rejoice all you want in those few moments in which you're still dreaming. glance around and appreciate everything that goes around you, love it for those few moments in which it'll last. you haven't all the time in the world to do so, so do it quick. always recall that it never really happened though, always remember that it was a dream - that it will never happen, it will never come true.

well, because i was too stunned to reply you then, and even though i know i'll never really hear those words from you again - yes, i miss you too. so much, actually.


Chong hui, good luck with your folding thingies. have fun. just like i did drawing out the manual for you, hm?




Never Had A Dream Come True by Sclub 7:

Everybody's got something
They had to leave behind
One regret from yesterday
That just seems to grow with time

There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
How it could be now or might have been (or might have been)
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though, I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (never found the words to say)
You're the one I think about each day (the one I think about each day)
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be with you

Somewhere in my memory
I've lost all sense of time
And tomorrow can never be
'Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind

There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
How it should be now or might have been (might have been)
All this I know but still I can't find ways to let you go

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though, I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (never found the words to say)
You're the one I think about each day (the one I think about each day)
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

You'll always be the dream that fills my head
You'll always be the one I know I'll never forget
There's no use looking back or wondering (or wondering)
Because love is a strange and funny thing (and funny thing)
No matter how I try and try I just can't say good-bye

I never had a dream come true
'Til the day that I found you
Even though, I pretend that I've moved on
You'll always be my baby
I never found the words to say (never found the words to say)
You're the one I think about each day (the one I think about each day)
And I know no matter where life takes me to
A part of me will always be

A part of me will always be with you

'so much more than just that'.

i've a thousand more assignments to complete by tomorrow. ha, fat hope. they'll never be done. i'm dead, but i'll try.


it's been a long while since i'v heard your voice, that voice that made once made everything right. the voice that could put a smile on my face, every single time. there's so much about you that i miss but i do worry that i'll never ever get to see it anymore.

afterall, i don't think i ever knew you too well...

'there are reasons to everything'.

congratulations, recruits of year 2007! and the main band too. Together IV was a success. and, as for euphone babes, i'm absolutely proud of every one of you all. lionel, chuanyee, vivian, i'm especially proud of the three of you and welcome to the main band, officially! i love you all.

there's a reason for our section name, my dear.

'the beauty of it all'.

...shrinks may disappear, but gays are always around for you!


what? bullshit. never will happen, and i know it.

'oh, how did learn that?'

how do you bloody close your eyes and forget things, just like that. manipulate your thoughts into the way you want them to be, manipulate your memories, everything. change, and rewrite everything that is supposed to have been already written. how do you do that? it's like erasing a published book. impossible, i would think. but the thought of it is nice, sweet and so edible. the thought, just the thought. it, still, however, isn't possible. right?


that's done, and that's done. but why doesn't something feel right. something is forgotten and something's yet to be complete. what the hell is it? why do i keep missing out on stuff like that. this isn't bloody good... i was to do something, and i forgot.


something triggered it. i haven't the faintest idea what.

'what do i do, now that you're never returning?'

if i've held on to something i loved for so long, depended on it for what seems like forever, leaned on it for support for as long as i can remember, how do i not miss it when it's gone, when it's no longer around? am i expected not to miss it, even though i've had always expected it to stay with me, and had never wished it gone? what am i supposed to do, realizing that its absence has left half of me empty? i can't possibly do nothing, but yet, there actually doesn't seem to be much i'm able to do...

move on, you might tell me. walk away, and put everthing in the past, put it all down and walk away from the pain. how do i do this when everything around me seems to remind of the treasured things i've lost, when what i love is not really gone, but lying around, taunting me, and yet not really being by my side, not being there for me to lean on like it used to? is it really that easy to walk away, when everytime i start running, it begins follows, but yet the moment i turn around, it's gone?

so maybe, i think, if it's just lying there, i could reach out a little more, grab it, and hold it so tight that it will never leave my side again. somehow, i reach out and i strain every muscle in my body, but everytime i do so, it starts to move, and then begins to run, so fast, so far, so far. and i'm tired, and i ache, i'm strained. i've enough of hurting all over, i haven't enough energy to keep doing this, playing this game.


you all keep saying the same things. thinking it through now, though, those words that sounded so assuringly sweet at first, i now realise - were just meant to be apologetic goodbyes, and nothing more.

'the sun shines so bright'.

my darlings came over and left, not long ago. they were here to watch movies. we ended watching Disturbia and half of The Jacket and three-quater of Wimbledon, which crashed, in the end. The Jacket was too illogical for my dearest Siulun to appreciate, so i changed it to Wimbledon, which we all enjoyed. unfortunately, the disc decided to crash on me today. luck lucky us.

oh yeah, for the record, Yan Tze didn't get lost today. and i was truly, genuinely amazed. although it was just a short distance, from eunos to angmokio, that she was requested to cover, i was still really amazed how she made it without exceeding the time span of an hour. aha.

and i've gotta thank Siulun for the dvds, hd format movies, and of course, the corrinne may albums. aha. by the way, hd format is also known, more commonly, as high-definition format. ha, anyway, thanks for all the thingies then!

love, my darling cousins.


i wish to be the one.

'maybe it's gonna be different now'.

Muthu's Curry for dinner. i'd say that their desert is totally addictive and awfully wonderful.


apparently, those people who mean something to me, are a little too busy to care and a little too busy to love. but well, it's not the first time and i'm about getting used to it.

but of course, i am very thankful for all those who are still around or those who have just come around. siulun, for one - amazing cousin. yantze -emo but horribly wonderful a cousin and friend. and chong hui - who i've come to know. and i'm thankful for all these people who've brought more meaning to life.

love, darlings!


my list is refreshed. i see only one name now.

'please drink more water, eat more vegetables and fruits'.

well, i'm utterly bored right now. and silly me, i missed art classes again. the same thing though - woke up at 0730 hrs, fell back to sleep and woke up again at 0825 hrs, fell asleep and woke up at 0830 hrs. almost crawled out of bed but failed to. and woke up at 1130hrs, realizing how late i really was.


ha. you ar. cheer up! cheer up! and for god's sake, smile. wake up, please. there's so much more to life, and you'd realize is you open your eyes eh. (: take care!

'hello, again'.

totally dying of boredom.


chonghui! never knew you too well, and yes, i still don't really. but anyway, do take care! you're a nice guy and really sweet and, hell, you look good. so yeah, stop being emo and cheer up. look on the brighter side of things! (: cheers.