'impulse'.

a book i'm reading. hm, i like this page of verse, titled Mania Blossoming:

'My brain won't quit churning.
I keep seeing pictures, like movies.
Faces. Eyes. Hands. Bodies.
My body, next to Trevor's.
that's what I'm seeing.
He wans't my first,
wasn't my only,
but he made me feel how
none of the rest could.
How I wish he was here
now, to put out this fire,
this low bank of coals,
smoldering between
my legs. But Trevor
isn't next to me,
never will be again.

I can't deal with your
freaky mood swings,
Vanessa. One minute
you're solid, the next
you're like water.
Boiling water. I love
you. But not enough
to stay with you.

His words were fists,
pounding my belly,
snatching air from
my lungs. I couldn't talk,
couldn't breathe, so how
could I answer?
He turned his back,
walked away, and I wanted
to die right there.
Instead I went home,
where my hungry
new razor blade
lay in wait.'