'what do i do, now that you're never returning?'

if i've held on to something i loved for so long, depended on it for what seems like forever, leaned on it for support for as long as i can remember, how do i not miss it when it's gone, when it's no longer around? am i expected not to miss it, even though i've had always expected it to stay with me, and had never wished it gone? what am i supposed to do, realizing that its absence has left half of me empty? i can't possibly do nothing, but yet, there actually doesn't seem to be much i'm able to do...

move on, you might tell me. walk away, and put everthing in the past, put it all down and walk away from the pain. how do i do this when everything around me seems to remind of the treasured things i've lost, when what i love is not really gone, but lying around, taunting me, and yet not really being by my side, not being there for me to lean on like it used to? is it really that easy to walk away, when everytime i start running, it begins follows, but yet the moment i turn around, it's gone?

so maybe, i think, if it's just lying there, i could reach out a little more, grab it, and hold it so tight that it will never leave my side again. somehow, i reach out and i strain every muscle in my body, but everytime i do so, it starts to move, and then begins to run, so fast, so far, so far. and i'm tired, and i ache, i'm strained. i've enough of hurting all over, i haven't enough energy to keep doing this, playing this game.


you all keep saying the same things. thinking it through now, though, those words that sounded so assuringly sweet at first, i now realise - were just meant to be apologetic goodbyes, and nothing more.