'i want you here i with me, now now now'.

ellen hopkins, her books leave me feeling like shit all the time. depressed, disturbed, and upset. without a faintest idea why, most of the time. and that makes me a hell lot more upset, acutally. if only you were here to help me sort out my mind like you used to, though. that's be good, and i'd really like that...


the last time i ever felt so bad, i had something to keep me stable. or someone. he'd wipe my face dry from tears and he'd do anything to hear my laugh, or so it seemed. and i miss him for that, or whatever i knew about him.

i could say that i never knew him, actually. all i thought i knew about him, anyway, turned out a bunch of lies. a whole facade, a pretence. even though it felt so real, i guess now, that it wasn't exactly too real. so really, i do miss him a lot. but i couldn't use his name, not now, not anymore. cause afterall, the person i knew wasn't him. it was someone different, someone totally gone. for good.

woohoo.


hurray. it took courage. guess you didn't realise that huh? must have lost your skill through time then.