'i found out her name'.

her name is Jessica. she's horribly bold, sinful. she's lost her sanity, totally. she's insane. the risk taker, fearless and has no self-boundaries. she'll explore every edge of danger on the face of earth if she could. she'd do every sin too, if she could. she rides with the devil through the burning flames of hell. she chuckles with him at the face of a challenge. she is his best friend... she lives in me.

i used to call her Inner Bitch. i never knew her name. i only knew her for what she did. for the times she pushed Min Jun aside and demanded for the control of this body, to commit her crimes and sins. i knew her for how she would appear in the face of danger. she would console me when i felt uncapable. she would show me the way things should be done, her way. she would do them for me, and i'd watch. well, but most of the time, it was her watching me live...

and although i admire her at times for the courage and confidence she carries, those of which i at times lack, i know she's dangerous. i always knew, and i dislike that of her. she does too much, and never listens, in the least, to me. she does what she wants, pushes me aside, and then expects me to admire her work after everything, when everything becomes reverssivle, and all i can afford to do is gasp in horror.

Jessica had her fun again yesterday. 9th of January 2007. won't forget the day and what happened. Jessica did the unbelievable... she did her sin, while i stood by the side watching, protesting. she couldn't care less. she did her job and then pushed me back into the world to play my role of living. i could hear her laughing inside me with content. while i cried in regret and guilt for the sin she did...

i was angry at her. i almost had enough when she whispered 'it ain't all that bad eh'. and i looked back and thought, maybe not... Jessica may be influencing me. slowly. but i made a promise to myself. i made Jessica promise me too. and now, she isn't going to break that. she isn't going to go back on her words she gave me. i know she won't. i trust she won't. i'll make sure she won't. i hope she won't. i won't let her...

Jessica may really be livin' in me. or maybe, just maybe, a simple excuse for my sins...