'won't everything just return back to the way it used to be?'

i felt happy. felt. so i went to j8 and got myself a huge nice colourful packet of gummies from minitoons. i walked out of the shop, spent $3.05. but still, i was happy... i was almost bloody skipping as i walked to the bloody traffic light...

if only things like that didn't matter a shit to me. if only i could just shrug and pretend it didn't mean a thing. if only i was strong enough to do all these... if only i could bring back time... if only i could intervene with fate and make it so that i would never have met or meet you ever. but what the hell am i wishing about again? what the hell am i hoping for? a miracle? apparently so...

it's funny how something that once brought me the most happines can now bring me so much pain... so much that i can't even express. i can't say, i can't paint... i can't show this amount of emotion in anyway. so much is bottled up in me that i just wanna burst. but i can't let myself down, i can't give up... can i?

i wish i could shrug everything thats putting me down aside and make them not mean a thing... who's gonna care about what i wish though?

whatever it is. the next time i wish of something, i'm gonna be more specific. i'm not gonna kill and tear myself up again. i'm not gonna put myself in this horrid emotional state...

seems like distance and absence remains my only path... despite the change of the damned situation.